


Let's Call Him Jim.

by charlesxaivers



Category: Star Trek (2009), Star Trek: Into Darkness - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Family, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-16 02:42:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/856841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlesxaivers/pseuds/charlesxaivers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thought he had finally found a family, his family, but with the knowledge of his father possibly being restored to him, he's not so sure he hadn't been lying to himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Send A Message To The Unborn Child

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is my first Spock/Kirk fic. So bear with me a bit.  
> The first chapter is pretty short but, they will get longer as we go.  
> Anyway, I pretty much just jumped right into it, not really wanting to waste time on stuff that wouldn't really make a difference in the stories advancements.  
> It's set a few months after Star Trek: Into Darkness. So, if you haven't seen the film, I probably wouldn't read this until you have. But, this honestly won't dive into much detail about the plot of that film, although there are going to be some definite spoilers.  
> So, anyways. On with the story, hope you enjoy it, and feel free to let me know what you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!! CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN UPDATED AND REVAMPED.... AGAIN 4/9/2015  
> I have gone through and fixed and added things to the story, nothing to change the plot, I just wanted to go in and give it more..... something. I have been posting these chapters as skeletons to see if I enjoyed the story or not. So, now that I have figured out more where this is going I'm going to be posting more in depth chapters, and will hopefully be updating more often.

It was an ordinary day on the Enterprise, well maybe ordinary isn't the right word to use. There was nothing ordinary about any day on the Enterprise, but this seemed to be close to what a 'normal' person would constitute as your uneventful, run of the mill, boring day. James T. Kirk, the Captain of the Enterprise sat in the captain's chair leisurely skimming request reports that needed his signed approval. And let it be known that he was not lazy, and that he only skimmed them because they were one's sent to him by his Vulcan First Officer, which meant that anything requested for would be granted without hesitation. Yeah, he knew he was a sucker for it, or at least for Spock.

Reading through the last request made by the Science Department for 50 eggs from an Arctic spider, - Ew, what in the world did Spock need those for? - Jim was somewhat startled by the voice of his Chief Engineer suddenly reverberating throughout the bridge. "Cargo bay to Captain Kirk."

"Yes, Mr. Scott." Jim pressed the link pretending he didn't just jump a couple inches out of his skin.

"Captain, we have a problem in the cargo bay."

Jim shifted in his seat, leaning closer to the link as if decreasing the distance he was from it would make everything clearer. "What is it, Scotty?"

"I can't explain, sir. You’ll just have come down and see for yourself." Scotty's voice seemed uncharacteristically hesitant, the usual enthusiasm and confidence undetectable which gave Jim more cause to worry. Turning around, he shot a confused look to his First Officer, who was also expressing subtle signs of confusion. Jim felt inappropriately timed shot of warmth run through him, knowing he was most likely the only one to noticed and sense the Vulcan's perplexity. Expect for maybe, Uhura, of course.

"On my way," Jim stated, not breaking eye contact with Spock even as he cut off the connection with Scotty. "Mr. Sulu, you have the conn," He announced to his helmsman as he rose from his chair and made his way to the turbolift.

"Sir." Sulu nodded.

"Mr. Spock, come with me."

 Jim had only been back on the Enterprise for three months after his bad case of 'death' before they had the good fortune, or not so good fortune of encountering a Romulan ship called the Cathex. One that they unfortunately learned was once in league with that nasty bastard Nero. The ship was of their time, but the crew had obviously and unfortunately been informed of the destruction of Nero's Romulus, and the destruction of Nero himself. Which was apparently an outrage giving their desire to seek revenge on the ship responsible for Nero's demise. 

 It had been brutal and exhausting, parts of the Enterprise still dangled from their original placements, wires occasionally deciding to spit out sparks at the random passersby, but all and all they had come out fairing 72.74 percent better than the Cathex, at least that was what Spock had surmised.

"Jim?" Spock asked once the doors of the turbolift slid shut behind them.

"Yes, Mr. Spock?" Jim sighed, his arms crossed firmly over his chest, something Spock had come to recognize as one of Jim’s physical displays of anger or agitation. A barricade between him and the outside world, and right now between him and Spock. He waited patiently for his captain to initiate eye contact, which he realized only after a short while Jim was refusing to do.

Spock internally sighed, wondering for the 267th time why his human bondmate was so illogical. "Ashaya, I understand your frustration-"

"Oh, you do, do you?" Jim cut him off suddenly. He laughed bitterly, fake and hollow to its core. Spock hated it, he understood why Jim was upset with him, and he acknowledged that he crossed the boundaries of his duty as First Officer, but he was not going to apologize for wanting to keep his T'hy'la safe.

Quickly hitting the halt button on the turbolifts control panel, Spock turned to face his Captain. "Yes, I do. I understand that I may have crossed the line in my attempts to keep you from going forth with your plans-"

Jim scoffed, cutting his bondmate off again to Spock's extreme irritation. Turning, he faced his First Officer, his usually beautiful eyes scrunched up in disbelief and frustration. The deep wrinkles in his forehead and beside his eyes familiar to Spock, reminding him of just how often they had this conversation. "May have crossed the line?" Jim demanded. "Spock, I am the Captain, and just because we are sleeping in the same bed and screwing every night does not mean or give you the right to disregard your place on this ship.”

“That was not my intent-"

“I don’t care what your intention was, Commander.” Jim snapped. The use of Spock’s title caused the Vulcan to immediately snap to attention. Pulling his hands tightly behind his back, looking as the ever in control Vulcan that Jim admitted, he kind of hated sometimes, especially when it was he who brought it out of him when they were alone. It scared him to think that one day he would say something that would cause his husband to completely shut down on him and never open up to him again. That he would always be unemotional and detached towards him because Jim was an ass.

Spock's body was rigidly straight and his eyes were focused on a spot just above Jim’s shoulder as he spoke, his voice completely devoid of emotion. "Captain."

“It will not happen again, understood?”

"Yes, sir." Spock nodded sharply and respectfully. Jim nodded and his shoulders relax slightly, which thankfully caused Spock to do the same. "I just worry for you, Jim," He whispered, his voice laced with concern. Jim was the only one who ever got to hear him speak with so much emotion, and he was usually the only subject that provoked it.

Jim's stern facial expression softened and his eyes melted from the hard cool, commanding stare he used while he was in Captain Kirk mode, to warm deep pools of blue. They were filled with love and remorse. Spock had the ability to break his heart so simply by just one inflection of pain in his voice, or the drop of his eyes. It immediately made him feel overwhelming amounts of guilt for being so harsh. And he knew Spock didn't purposefully behave that way to provoke those sort of feelings in Jim. No, he would never manipulate the captain's emotions in such a way, he simply reacted that way out of sincere concern. Which was one of the reasons Jim could never stay mad at his Vulcan. No matter how much he wished to and no matter how much Spock needed to learn to not question him, especially in front of the entire bridge crew,  Jim just couldn't maintain his anger, not when he knew ultimately all Spock wanted was for him to be safe.

The Captain sighed, not so much as giving in, because he really didn't have a choice or control over his emotions towards Spock, but more willingly letting them go without a fight. He uncrossed his arms and slid his hand down Spock’s forearm until he reached his hand. Gripping the long, thin, elegant wrist, he slowly brought it up to his lips and pressed a soft gentle kiss to the palm of the pale hand.

Spock’s eyes had followed the entire journey of Jim's hand, tracking it curiously and hopefully. He stared as his T'hy'la kissed the most sensitive part of his body, breath hitching and rising in pace, he began to feel his body heat and tingle as he watched those beloved, soft, plump lips press to his tender skin. It was Jim's way of apologizing, stating he understood and respected Spock's point of view. Though, Spock noted, it was not his agreement to change his reckless behavior and respect his life more.

"We better get down to cargo," Jim breathed in, his eyes still closed as he continued to hold Spock's hand to his lips. Each word he spoke caused the moistened flesh to caress Spock's hand, causing shiver's down the Vulcan's spine. Swallowing thickly and suppressing his obvious arousal, Spock nodded before hitting the button to continue their descent down to the cargo bay.

* * *

As they made their way over to the cargo lift Jim noticed that Scotty had also called, Leonard McCoy - Bones as Jim called him - the ship's CMO down to get a look at whatever he had found aboard the Romulan ship. This development caused a spike of concern, and confusion to run surge through the captain. Feeling his bondmates emotional change, Spock glanced at him out the corner of his eye to see if any physical sign was shown, but there was none.

“Mr. Scott.” Jim grinned, as they approached the enthusiastic engineer. “What do you got for me?”

“Captain,” Scotty acknowledged his commanding officer with a nod. Jim saw Spock quirk an eyebrow when the Scotsman began to ring his hands together uncharacteristically. “As we were going through the enemy ship to check for anymore Red Matter we came across something unusual, something that well…” Scotty drifted off as two of his men pushed a large object toward them.

“A cryotube?” Jim’s eyes went wide. He had not been aware that he was placed into a cryotube during the altercation with Khan but having been told all that occurred after his last breath, Jim’s mind insisted on causing him distress, imagines of the day of his death flashed through his mind, making him gasp for air. The burning sensation of radiation filling his body and lungs ripped through him causing him to stumble back a bit as it was pushed towards him, trying to keep as much distance between the cryotube and himself as possible. Spock quickly braced himself behind his captain and held him tight, he could sense and feel every memory that Jim had been overtaken by. Wanting to comfort him as subtly as possible he soothed and rubbed at the captain's sides, projecting calm and love through their bond.

The feeling of strong, familiar arms wrapped around his body, and warm love fill him completely, Jim regained control of himself. Sensing their captain’s distress Scotty commanded the two engineers to keep the cryotube a few feet away from the group of men.

“Jim, you alright?” Bones asked, leaning in to look into Jim's eyes, reaching for his ever presence tricoder.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Jim snapped, pushing himself up more onto his feet and brushing his friend off of him. He was only moderately to extremely embarrassed at losing his cool and having to have is husband catch him before he fell on his ass.

“The thing is, Captain,” Scotty said grimly, ignoring the scene that had just occurred, to which Jim was eternally grateful for. “We think we know who's inside.”

“Who?” Jim asked taking a step closer, morbid curiosity getting the better of him, but he was cut off by McCoy before being able to take another step.

“Jim,” McCoy said in a hesitant voice. He obviously knew already who or what was in that tube, unlike a Vulcan, Bones displayed everything he felt on face. He was apprehensive, for what Jim didn't know and it was beginning to irritate him.

“Bones,” Jim replied as more of a warning than a question. He was the captain dammit and this was his job. Why McCoy as decided to turn into an Anxious Annie he didn't know, and he never would know if he continued to stand in Jim's way! Sighing, McCoy eventually relented after what looked like a serious internal debate. As he moved out of the way Jim began to move closer, finally seeing who was being housed inside the tube.

“Is that?” Jim jumped, looking wide-eyed at his best friend. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, it wasn't possible, it couldn't be real, he was hallucinating. Maybe he hadn't totally gotten his head after that freak out he just had? Yeah, that had to be it because no other explanation would make sense. 

He was convinced Bones' reply would be the complete opposite of what Jim thought he saw. He would explain that it wasn't who he thought and was just someone who looked extremely similar to him or that was going insane, or that he needed his eyes checked and then drag him down to Medbay. But because the world is cruel and likes to fuck with Jim Kirk's head that's not what he got when his best friend finally spoke, “Yes, that is Lieutenant Commander, George Kirk.”


	2. When Your Heart's Crying Out, Whisper My Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, we keep on truckin'

Jim made it to his and Spock’s shared quarters in record time. As soon as he was inside with the door tightly sealed behind him he began to pace back and forth throughout the living area like a caged leopard just waiting to be let out.

How was he supposed to process this? The albatross that he had thought he had finally come to live with was now being tightened to the point to where he couldn’t breathe and he was suffocating under its pressure. All this time, all this time and he was alive…

Jim scrambled to the bathroom before his stomach convulsed and caused him to ruin his uniform and the carpet floor.

After he was sure his body was done expelling the lunch he didn’t eat, Jim slid to the floor, closing his eyes as he thumped his head against the wall, beginning to try and slow his heart rate by slowly inhaling and then exhaling. In through the nose, out through the mouth, he continued this for a few minutes all the while his body was still vibrating with nerves, sickness, and complete and utter shock.

“Okay,” He whispered to himself. “You can do this, Jim. It’s just another glitch in another mission. It’s just a missing man in a cryotube. A man that just so happens to be your long lost father. No big deal.”

Jim scrunched up his face as even to his own ears his words sounded like complete and utter bullshit. Rolling his head back and forth against the wall he thought about how in the hell he was going to deal with this. He thought about if he even could? He doubted there was a How to Deal with Meeting Your Supposed Dead Father for Dummies book laying around somewhere. “Fuck.” He whooshed out a breath before pulling himself to his feet, only wobbling slightly.

Jim straightened his shirt and back as he made his way out his quarters and walked purposefully to the Bridge. He was Captain Kirk right now, he had left the little blonde, Iowan boy Jimmy Kirk sitting in the bathroom of his quarters to deal with later. Everyone he passed quickly moved out of his way as if he would bite them if they even looked at him wrong, and maybe he would have. That Romulan bastard had fucked with the wrong family, the wrong man and if he had allies that knew about this, he would be sure that they knew their mistake.

As he walked onto the Bridge, Spock glanced up at him from his Science Station with a look that only Jim knew held a great deal of concern behind it. Sulu nodded to him as he lifted himself out the chair and over to his pilot’s seat.

Jim punched the link button as he flopped down in his captain’s chair before snapping: “Kirk to Sickbay.”

“Captain?”

“Dr. McCoy, I would like for you and Mr. Scott to meet me in the briefing room at the end of Alpha shift.”

“Okay. You alright, Jim?”

“Fine, Bones. Kirk out.” He said sternly, cutting off the communication.

Everyone quickly turned back to their stations when Jim looked up from his gaze on the link. The atmosphere would be tense throughout the rest of the shift, with Jim fighting waves of nausea as he thought of father being alive this whole time, but was kept from him, from his mom, from Sam all because of a revenged crazed alien. That bastard had torn his father away from him before he even got a chance to know him, he had also torn the only person in the universe Spock believed truly cared for him, the only person to show him unconditional love, and that just pissed Jim off even more.

If he could he would go back and kill Nero another hundreds times over, he’d do worse than implode his ship with a blackhole. No, at the moment, what Jim was thinking would have anyone begging to be torn to shreds by a hole in space and time. 

Sensing his bondmates thoughts Spock stiffen at the absolutely morbid, and disturbing images Jim was entertaining.

* * *

 

“Mr. Chekov, Sulu, Spock, Uhura will you also accompany to the briefing room,” Jim stated at the end of their shift as he made his way off the Bridge, Spock and Uhura directly behind him.

Chekov and Sulu exchanged a confused look before allowing their relief to take over their stations. They made quick to catch up with the group but were still the last to arrive at the Briefing room.

“Alright, you guys,” Jim announced as they all took the preferred seats. Jim at the head of the table with Spock and McCoy on either side. Nyota and Sulu sitting beside one another with Scotty and Chekov across from them. “As you know, Mr. Scott made an interesting discovery while searching the Romulan ship we encountered two days ago. This discovery has become extremely personal for me, and as my Commanding Officers and friends, I would like you to know and understand the situation that has come up.” Jim swallowed and stole himself a second before continuing. “A cryotube was found on board the Romulan ship, and the person that is being held inside the tube is… Is my father.”

There was a gasp that was unmistakably from Uhura, as Sulu and Chekov yet again shared a look, but this time it being shock filled. “Jesus Christ,” Sulu whispered.

“My thought’s exactly,” McCoy mumbled to himself.

Jim nodded mutely, “We don’t know how or why this has happened, but I hope to find out soon.”

“Jim,” Nyota said softly, forgetting all professionalism. “What are you going to do about your father?”

Jim went to answer with a lie but looking into her dark, honest eyes caused him to instead snap his mouth shut and shake his head. “I don’t know.”

“Is it possible to wake him up without killing him?” Sulu asked, eyes on McCoy.

“It is possible, but only with the right equipment and care.” McCoy leaned back in his chair, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

“You’re assuming that the captain wants to wake him up.” Uhura looked sharply at Sulu.

“I wasn’t assuming, it was just a question.”

“Well, it was an insensitive question.”

“Guys, guys,” Kirk injected. “It’s fine, really. Let’s not have a lovers quarrel right now, please? I don’t think my head can take it.” He sighed as he rested his head in his hands. 

“Do you want to wake him, sir?” 

This time, it was the voice of the Russian Ensign that asked the question.

Jim looked up through his fingers at his young, brilliant navigator. “Yeah, Mr. Chekov, I think I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!! CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN UPDATED AND REVAMPED.  
> I have gone through and fixed and added things to the story, nothing to change the plot, I just wanted to go in and give it more..... something. I have been posting these chapters as skeletons to see if I enjoyed the story or not. So, now that I have figured out more where this is going I'm going to be posting more in depth chapters, and will hopefully be updating more often.


	3. And, We're Not Gonna Take Anymore. Can We Try To Erase All The Pain?

This was not love, nor passion. There was no lust or desire in those eyes. All there was was pure frustration and anger flowing through the connection between them. Spock could feel sadness fighting to be noticed but it was angrily repressed again and again. It was apparent Jim didn’t need Spock for Spock; he didn’t need Spock at all. He didn’t want love or adoration at this moment, Spock believed Jim would have taken any welcoming body to take out his anger on. A body to allow him to focus on his need for pleasure, his need for distraction.

This was stress relief, and Jim was reverting back into the boy who would distract himself from life’s problems by bedding anyone he could. To let out the anger he felt, to ignore the hurt in his heart because in these imitate moments he would allow others to lie to him, allow himself to believe that he was loved.

He had left his five-year-old self weeping on the bathroom floor earlier, abandoning that part of him like everyone else had, like he always had. And, now he was using that teenage need for attention and love to drown out the cries of that boy. Jim was tearing himself apart, he was ignoring all the pain and hurt, everything that made him weak.

Anger and rage filled him as he continuously filled his bondmate all too forcefully. His emotions internally fighting for dominance, but as always the scared, shy, little boy was pushed away in a dark corner to be overpowered by the anger of others.

“Jim,” Spock panted as his mate pounded relentlessly into him. “T’hy’la, do you think you are emotionally…”

Jim quickly stopped his thrust but didn’t remove himself from Spock while he began to glare down at his love. “If you say emotionally compromised, Spock, I will seriously go ballistic.”

Spock moved his hands from where they were gripping Jim’s biceps to run them through the thick blonde locks. “That was not what I was going say. I wanted to say that I am concerned that you are trying to distract yourself from the pain you are feeling from the discovery of your father by engaging in sexual activity.”

“Is this really the time to discuss this, Spock?” The only reply Jim received was a slight upward lifted eyebrow. Sighing, he continued. “Look, can’t a man come home to his guy after a long day’s work and just want to be buried as deep in him as physically possible?”

“Yes,” Spock whispered as he pulled Jim down for a kiss. “Yes, but, Jim even though you are, as you so crudely put it ‘buried as deep as physically possible’ in me, you are very distant from me, ashaya. I believe that as of now it would not matter who is with you, that you only wish to remove yourself from the situation. You are hurting Jim, I can feel it. Your emotions are as chaotic as my own were when you…" Spock paused and inhaled deeply, centering himself as to not allow his emotions to get the better of him, as they usually did when the subject of Jim's passing usually did. "And, I can feel that this has nothing to do with you and I. This is not out of love, Jim. I can feel it.”

“Oh, ashaya.” Jim sighed, feeling a flash of guilt hit his heart. He turned his face to kiss the inside of Spock’s knee that was still pulled up over his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m not being fair to you. It’s just this whole day has been so screwed up and I just want it to go away so badly that I referred back to what I use to do before the Academy. Sleeping with anyone willing and not worrying about their wants and needs. Just focusing on my ability to forget my problems for a while. I am sorry, T’hy’la. I’m hurting you.”

“Would it not be better to focus on us, and our love? Would that not be a better distraction?” Spock asked softly, brushing a stray hair from Jim’s forehead.

Jim gave Spock a small but, genuine smile. “As always Mr. Spock, you know exactly how to improve my flawed plans to perfection.”

With a quick twitch of the lips, Spock ground his hips up into Jim’s groin, causing the captain to groan and stare lustfully down at his First.

“Now that your plan is officially holds the status of perfection why don’t you continue with them?”

Jim smiled as he rested his forehead against Spock’s. He began to move again, this time at a much slower and tender pace. His hips rolling slowly, his hands wandering lightly across sensitive, green flushed skin, and his lips securely sealed with his love's.

* * *

 

Alpha shift the next day was alarmingly quiet and overly stressful. Everyone was tiptoeing around Jim, only speaking to him and asking him questions when absolutely necessary. It was honestly starting to piss him off. He also knew that he was in fact either snapping at everyone who spoke to him or sulking worse than a teenage girl who had her cell phone taken away.

Bones had taken to calling him Captain Crank, it set Jim's teeth on edge.

“Lieutenant, contact the USS Odyssey and send it to my ready room.”

“Captain?” Uhura turned from her station to give Jim a puzzled look.

“Just do it, Lieutenant.” He barked.

“Yes, sir.”

Spock turned to look at the back of the blonde head he had become so fond of. Jim’s back was ramrod straight, his shoulders were tense and his jaw clenched tightly. The level of stress Jim was harboring underneath that tanned skin would be visible to any stranger, but to Spock it was like a blaring Red Alert. He could feel the emotions battling each other inside Jim's mind, causing him to be violently moody all day. 

During breakfast, Jim's fingers had lightly brushed against Spock's as they ate in the mess hall. It had sent a surge of heartache, anger, guilt, and loss through Spock so violently that he had to excuse himself to privately regain control.

“Captain?” Spock walked up to stand beside the captain’s chair.

“Yes, Mr. Spock?”

“Jim, I-“

“I have that transmission for you, Captain,” Uhura announced, unknowingly cutting off Spock completely.

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” Jim stood from his chair. “We’ll finish this later, Commander. You have the conn.”

Once in his ready room Jim took a long, deep breath before sitting down at his desk. He could honestly say that he had never been more nervous in his life. Never wanted to run away from something more than ever before. He would much rather deal with Khan all over again, have Spock strangle him on the bridge and climb through the warp core all in one day, than do what he was about to do. He could obviously delay the event, but what good would that do? He would just continue to walk around with it weighing on his mind. He needed to do this, he had to do this. It was what she deserved.

Jim hit the link before he had time to change his mind and run away with his tail between his legs like the complete coward he knew himself to be when it came to this woman and discussing his father. He never wanted to reopen wounds, and every time Jim had brought his dad up in the past his mother would get a look in her eyes as if her entire universe had been destroyed, leaving her with nothing to live for, and Jim supposed that's how she felt.

“Jimmy?”

“Hi, mom.”

“It’s good to see you, sweetheart. But, I have to admit I’m a little surprised by your call. Is everything alright?”

Jim laughed, but it wasn’t one of relief or humor. It was strained and almost hysterical. Winona’s heart began to flutter at the obvious distress of her youngest son.

“Jimmy, please tell me what’s going on. You’re scaring me. Are you okay? Is it Sam? Spock?”

“No, mom.” Jim shook his head. “Spock’s fine, I’m fine, as far as I know, Sam’s fine.” Jim ran a hand over his face, staring intently at the edge of his desk before answering. “Actually, everyone is fine, this isn’t anything negative per se, but it is... shocking.”

“Okay…” Winona drawled, becoming more impatient with her sons obvious procrastination. “Are you gonna tell me? Or, are you gonna sit there and with your thumb up your ass?” Winona chastised.

Jim couldn’t help but snort at his mother’s attempt to relax him a little bit. It was something she had always done, and always would do.

He finally mustered up the courage to look his mother in the eye. She looked beautiful as ever. Her green eyes soft and apologetic. They had always been that way, especially since they had reconnected. When he was young the apologies were for leaving, for Jim not having a father. Now, they were for not believing him about Frank, for causing Sam to leave, for not protecting him. Jim was still angry, but since he had found Spock he could sympathize with her. If he were to ever lose Spock the way his mother had lost his father, he would react the same way. That was why he must tell her. He would want to know if his long lost love had somehow been found, and could possibly be restored to him. And, he's sure his mother felt the same way, “I found dad.”

Winona’s heart stuttered, as well as her brain. “Y-y-you what?”

“I found dad.”

Winona’s breathing started to pick up rapidly, her quarters began to feel extremely hot, and she felt extremely nauseous, as she always did when George Kirk was brought up in a conversation. She had never gotten over the death of her husband, so much so that it affected her ability to parent her sons properly, something she regretted and hated herself for each day. “Jim,” her voice extremely quiet. “Your father has been dead your entire life. He’s gone, I watched-” She cut herself off with a gasp, as tears began to well in her eyes.

“Please, mom, calm down, and let me explain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!! CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN UPDATED AND REVAMPED.  
> I have gone through and fixed and added things to the story, nothing to change the plot, I just wanted to go in and give it more..... something. I have been posting these chapters as skeletons to see if I enjoyed the story or not. So, now that I have figured out more where this is going I'm going to be posting more in depth chapters, and will hopefully be updating more often.


	4. It's Not That I Can't Live Without You, It's Just That I Don't Even Want To Try

Jim came trudging through the door of his and Spock’s quarters after taking an hour to calm his mother down and explain to her what was happening. It had unfortunately turned into a cry fest, both from his mother and himself. Her reaction was heart wrenching in both the worst and best of ways. The way she laughed slightly, and the glint of hope in her eyes, as she still allowed tears to spill down her face was enough to give Jim all the motivation he needed to make sure he found the proper and best way to get his father back to his mother. Winona Kirk needed George Kirk, that had been obvious Jim’s whole life, and now he had the ability to make that happen.

“Well, that could’ve gone worse.” Jim announced, as he quickly walked over to the couch where Spock was currently sitting, a PADD in hand and eyes intently staring at the screen. Kirk flopped down and laid across Spock’s lap expertly blocking his bondmates view of his work with his body.

“Ashaya,” Spock all but sighed, looking down into the blue eyes of his captain. “Must you?”

“Yes,” Jim leaned up and kissed Spock’s lips before moving to straddle his hips, but not before plucking the PADD out of his bondmates hands and setting it on the end table. “I must.”

Spock hummed, trying to prevent himself from allowing the corners of his lips to lift upwards. “How did your discussion with your mother turn out?” He began to smooth his hands down his captain’s sides continuously as Jim tangled his fingers in the short hairs at the back of his neck.

“Exceptional.” Came Jim’s sarcastic responds. 

Spock quirked an eyebrow. “Sarcasm?”

Jim laughed as he flopped down onto the couch, leaving his still booted feet in Spock’s lap. “You could say that. I mean, all in all, it wasn’t too bad. It’s just, it hurts, ya know?”

And, Spock did know. He knew the utter agony of losing the one he cherished most in the universe. He understood the feeling of anger, and frustration. Confusion as to why this had to happen to his beloved. He knew the guilt of knowing so many things had gone unsaid between he and the one had lost. Of illogically wishing that he just had more time, wishing he had not been so blind. That it had not taken such a tragedy for him to come to understand the feelings he had for his captain. But, he also knew the feeling of hope that his beloved could possibly be restored to him, that he might be granted another chance. A chance to do over what he had done wrong, and do what he should have done from the beginning and love his T'hy'la the way he deserved. But, along with the hope and the possible chances came extreme anxiety and uncertainty, something Spock did not handle well, and did not handle well. 

He continuously dealt with nightmares of Jim's death. His mothers death. The destruction of Vulcan. Everything he had ever wronged and lost. Everything he failed to save.

So, to say he understood how Jim’s mother must be feeling was an understatement, but he also knew the differences between their situations. Spock fortunately only spent at most an hour or so truly believing his T’hy’la was lost to him forever, whereas Mrs. Kirk had to live with the pain of a lost loved one for over twenty five years.

“I believe I do know.” Spock answered calmly, looking over into Jim’s bright blue stare.

“You just had an internal dialogue moment.” 

Spock lifted a confused eyebrow as he had believed to have shielded his thoughts from his bondmate. He did not want Jim to know of the pain and guilt he still harbored from that hideous day. 

“I can see it on your face.” Jim stated with a shrug. “The focus of your eyes become distant, and I can practically see the gears turning in that pretty little head of yours.”

“Ashaya, Dr. McCoy commed earlier this evening, seeking your presence in MedBay.” Spock spoke as if Jim hadn’t said anything.

Jim smirk at his bondmate, acknowledging Spock's obvious avoidance of what was turning into a conversation he apparently did not wish to have. “What'd he want?” He asked as he got up and walked to their bunk area, removing his command gold as he went.

“As I just stated, he wished for your presence in MedBay.” Spock was becoming more exasperated with his captain by the minute, maybe even second.

“Right, right, sorry.”

“Do you wish me accompany you, Jim?”

Turning and smiling at his bondmate for being so supportive, Jim walked over to where Spock still occupied the sofa and leant down to kiss him deeply. “I appreciate it, Spock,” Jim whispered as he pulled away. “but, you don’t have to.”

“But, I wish to.” Was whispered in reply before Spock leaned up to kiss Jim again.

\----

“My god. I commed you like eight hours ago. What the hell took you so long!”

“I believe you may be confused, doctor. It has only been two hours and twelve point-“

“Alright, alright. I get it, Spock. Now sit down and shut up both of you.” McCoy pointed to the two seats in front of his desk.

Spock narrowed his eyes slightly at the gruff doctor. He did not enjoy being ordered to do something by anyone other than Jim, especially doctor McCoy. Who Spock could not lie and say he disliked the man; actually it was quite the opposite. He respected McCoy’s intelligence and talent immensely and he quite enjoyed their easy banter, but what caused Spock to feel somewhat annoyed by the doctors demand was that he immediately recognized this as not part of their usual back and forth routine. 

“What’s going on, Bones?”

“Well, Jim. I’ve checked over your dad several times and everything is turning out okay, so I guess my question is, is what you want to do now?”

Jim sat quietly for a few minutes, obviously thinking about his next steps. If he was honest with himself he was absolutely terrified to even begin thinking about waking his dad up. And, he knew that contradicted everything he had said to his mother, to himself, but it just was angst provoking. He hadn’t even talked to Sam yet, but maybe his mother had? Maybe after they ended their call she immediately talked to Sam. Hopefully, because Jim really didn’t want to talk to his brother about all this right now, because he just knew Sam would push and stress himself out over all of it.

“I don’t know.” Jim finally croaked out. “I haven’t talked to Sam yet, and I just talked to my mom, and we just found him the other day and it’s all happening so fast, and Bones I don’t know if I can-“

“Woah, woah, woah.” Bones held his hands up in the universal sign for slow down. Spock not caring about being in the presence of another, grabbed Jim’s hand and intertwined their fingers, knowing his bondmate needed and saw the physical contact as comfort. “Jim, calm down and breathe. It’s okay, buddy.” Getting up and walking around to sit on the arm of Jim’s chair (which was extremely uncomfortable) McCoy began to rub circles into his friends back. 

And, let it be known that McCoy was the only person who could touch Jim without Spock growling like a feral beast, and trying to rip his arm off. That had happened once and he had put a stop it immediately. He was Jim's best friend dammit, and he wasn't gonna deal with predatory, possessives Vulcan's just because he patted Jim on the back. Hell no, that shit aint gonna fly.

“Jim, no one is coercing you into something you do not wish to do.” Spock spoke softly.

McCoy nodded in agreement even though Jim wasn’t looking at him, but the floor. “Exactly. Besides, even if we took him out the cryotube right this second, and began sequencing his body back into consciousness, it would probably take a couple weeks for him to wake up and be fully functional again.”

“Really?” Jim looked up into his best friends eyes. “I mean, I guess, yeah that makes sense. God, I’m sorry. I just really…”

“I understand, Jim.” Bones smiled back. “You need more time to process, I get it.”

But, did Bones really get it? Jim thought. Could anyone really understand how he felt right now? For the last few days Jim has been battling all kinds of emotions and thoughts that he wouldn’t ever think possible for someone to harbor because of one incident. But, then again, how many people deal with finding their thought to be dead father, frozen on ice and for all intents and purposes alive.

“Okay. Okay, then do it.” Jim nodded and swallowed thickly. 

“Right.” McCoy walked back behind his desk, and pulled a PADD out from one of the drawers as he sat down. “There is one slight problem though.”

“Problem?” Spock tilted his head in slight confusion. Hadn’t the doctor just stated that everything was well, and he was prepared and able to begin the process of awakening Jim’s father?

“Yes, Mr. Spock, a problem.” Sarcasm and irritation plain as day in the doctors voice as he continued to look at the PADD in his hand. Spock looked over to Jim questioningly, gaining Jim just rolling his eyes and gesturing for Spock to just forget it. “Okay, so I think I have the sequencing right,” McCoy finally looked up and handed the PADD over to Spock. “but, I would like to know for sure.”

Jim leaned over Spock’s shoulder and began to read the information displayed on the device. “How will we find out if it's right?”

“Well, that’s where I thought you guys could come in. They have it on file at Headquarters. They did it with Khan, so they were obviously successful, but it’s so far locked away in the database that there’s no way for me to get to it.”

“You are in need of someone with high level hacking abilities.” Spock stated matter of factly, looking up at the doctor.

“Pretty much.”

“I could try.” Jim shrugged.

“Yeah, like that’s a good idea. The guy that just got shot up with super blood, from a deranged homicidal maniac goes in to try and hack their system to gain the knowledge of how to awake said deranged homicidal maniac. No way.”

“I agree with Doctor McCoy, Jim.” Spock stated, ignoring the huff disbelief from the man behind the desk. “I think it would look very suspicious if you were to be found out. We cannot risk it. Most do not understand the effects Khan’s blood has on your body, and they may make the wrong assumption on if you have become a danger like him. That being said Doctor McCoy," Spock turned his gaze to the medical man "I do not in fact have the hacking skills to successfully enter the system and gather the information needed.”

The room went silent as all three men sat in contemplation. It was only a few minutes before Jim sat up straight and announced that he knew someone.

Getting the eyebrow of doom from both his best friend and bondmate, Jim promised himself he would learn how to do it too some day. It was so cool, and unfair that they could and he couldn't.

“Who Jim?” Spock asked.

“Selik.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!! CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN UPDATED AND REVAMPED.  
> I have gone through and fixed and added things to the story, nothing to change the plot, I just wanted to go in and give it more..... something. I have been posting these chapters as skeletons to see if I enjoyed the story or not. So, now that I have figured out more where this is going I'm going to be posting more in depth chapters, and will hopefully be updating more often.


	5. A Helping Hand To Make It Right

“Selik? You mean, older, cooler, him?” Bones lifted an eyebrow, pointing at Spock with his thumb.

“Yes.” Jim nodded. Selik could and would help, he’d do anything for Jim and they both knew it. But, the one thing Jim didn't want to do was ask too much of his beloved friend. Though, the Ambassador would never see it as such, Jim knew there were some severely dangerous things that he could ask Selik to do that the old Vulcan would do without a single thought of what it could cost him. Seemed that, that trait was in every Spock. A universal constant for them when it came to James T. Kirk. “He’ll do it, and he’ll know how to.”

“How can you be so sure, Jim? I have limited knowledge of advanced hacking abilities and I do not see myself gaining the knowledge any time soon.”

Jim grinned. “I know he knows. A trick he learned from an old friend, as he likes to say.”

“Well, when do you plan on calling the old hobgoblin up?” McCoy cut in.

“Bones.” Jim glared at his friend the same time Spock addressed the doctor in what could not be called anything but mild irritation. “Doctor, why must you refer to every being that is of Vulcan heritage as a hobgoblin?”

“I only call you a hobgoblin.” Bones snarked, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“As you have just referred to my counterpart as a hobgoblin then your argument is invalid as in-“

“Your counterpart, Spock, is technically you, so therefore I can get away with calling him a hobgoblin. Besides,” McCoy shrugged. “He doesn’t mind it, actually seems to find it amusing. And, when I say it to him, it’s out of love because I actually like the man.”

“He is not me, he is an alter self and-“

“Okay, okay, guys please.” Jim jumped in before the pointless argument could get any more out of control. Usually, Jim found Spock and Bones’ banter completely hilarious and entertaining but, at this very moment it was just giving him a massive headache. 

Jim lifted himself out of his chair and began to pace back and forth in front of McCoy’s desk, his arms folded crossed his chest. He needed to figure out how to go about this whole clusterfuck of a situation. He didn’t really want to tell the Admiralty about his dad yet, they would of course have their own input on the matter, and would probably feel they had some kind of right to decide what happened with George Kirk. The thought put a bad taste in Jim’s mouth. He really needed to call his mom back and unfortunately Sam, as well. “Spock, where are we compared to New Vulcan?”

“The last I checked was during shift and it was displayed to be seven point six days travel time at warp four, sir.”

Jim waved a dismissive hand at the formality. “So, close enough for a transmission?”

“Yes, Jim.”

“Good.” Jim nodded. “I have a meeting with the Admiralty tomorrow morning to go over exactly what happened here the other day and to get new orders. I don’t know if I want to tell them about my dad yet. If they know they may order us back to Earth, and I refuse to have my dad be put under any other care than yours Bones.” 

I want to keep this as tight to the chest as possible. No media until I can get in better contact with my mother, and Sam. I want to figure out what my mom wants to do before I bring this forward to the Admirals. My mother has the final decision on what happens with my dad, not Starfleet. He’s not going to be turned into a science experiment, or walking, talking legendary miracle."

“You got it, Jim.” Bones nodded to his friend. His sign that he would do whatever he could to keep his father’s integrity. 

Jim smiled tightly. “Thanks Bones.”

“Then we are in an agreement about how to continue. You will contact my counterpart tomorrow after your call with the Admiralty, and Doctor McCoy and I will contain any and all information of your father off official reports until further notice.”

The Captain and CMO nodded in agreement.

“So, Bones,” Jim smiled, clapping his hands together loudly trying to brighten the mood in the room, more for himself than anyone else if he was being completely honest. “Spock and I were just going to the mess for dinner, care to join us?”

\----

“Ya know, there aren’t any hypo’s for obesity, Jim.” Bones grumbled as he took his seat across from his two best friends. Two best friends. If you were to ask how in the hell did that happened, McCoy could never tell you. Jim Kirk and the hobgoblin have become two of some of the most important people in his life. And, those two could easily drive a man to drink just by themselves, but put them together? No wonder Leonard has been drunk the past four nights in a row. Why is the rum always gone? Well, your answer is sitting across from Leonard H. McCoy. Jesus Christ.

Jim had a plate of replicated spaghetti piled high, and lathered in marinara sauce. Spock beside him had a simple salad and plomeek soup combo, while McCoy himself was entertaining a plate of garlic chicken and potatoes, which did not in fact taste anything like his grandfather’s famous recipe.

“Pasta is not bad for you, Bones, don’t even give me that.”

“Actually, it can be if you eat a large amount of it on a regular basis.” Nyota butted in as she sat down next to McCoy. "It's extremely high in carbs."

Jim glared at his communication officer, his cheeks bulging with noodles and red sauce smeared across his lips.

“That,” Bones pointed to Jim’s face with his fork. “that right there is what you’re gonna look like if you don’t start eating better.”

Nyota threw her head back and laughed, as Bones smirked across at his friend. Jim just continued to glare at them to their utter amusement, along with the task of trying to chew the mass of food in his mouth as best as he could. Spock, apparently being the only one to not find humor in his bondmates eating habits, used a napkin to gently wipe off the excess sauce from the captains face.

Jim’s heart fluttered at the obvious display of affection, and swallowed as best he could before turning to his husband and smiled. He took a chance and leaned over to steal a quick kiss from the Vulcan’s lips. 

Spock pulled away from the touch as soon as it happened. “Jim.” He chastised immediately, the tips of his ears, and cheeks burning green. But, unfortunately for Spock his bondmate found his blush to be absolutely adorable, and proceeded to kiss the heated flesh of his ear before grinning and continuing to eat, ignoring the gagging from Bones and ‘awws’ from Nyota. “So, Uhura, why aren’t you over there sitting by Sulu?”

It was Nyota’s turn to blush, her cheeks turning a deep red across her beautiful dark skin. “Sulu and I aren’t really talking. We both kind of agreed that we needed space to kind of think about what we want and need.”

“And, why is that darlin’?” Bones asked.

She shrugged. “We just see thing differently is all. I love him to death, but I don’t know if it’s more a brotherly love or a romantic love. Besides, he’s smitten with Chekov, and I… well, I’ve been kind of noticing someone else recently.” 

Jim didn’t think it was possible for someone to blush as deeply as his communications officer just had, but apparently he had been terribly mistaken. And, just as he found Spock to absolutely gorgeous when he turned green with embarrassment, he found Nyota to be breathtaking in the state of bashfulness as well. It softened her, and made her seem so vulnerable, but in a good way. A way that Jim could be in love with if he wasn’t already neck deep with Spock. Nothing could beat being Spock’s T’hy’la, not even Nyota Uhura’s goddess like beauty. 

“And, who, Nyota, would you mind me inquiring is this someone?” Spock tilted his head as he regarded his best friend. He had never seen Nyota give off such a nervousness, and embarrassment. She was usually such a strong, elegant woman, so confident and commanding in everything she did. It bewildered Spock –well, as much as a Vulcan could be bewildered- to see her in such a state of uncertainty and uneasiness. 

“Oh, umm… Well, it’s actually-“

“Well, now isn’t it the three musketeers and the beautiful, Nyota.”

Jim noticed with some amusement at how Nyota’s face lit up at the sound of his Chief Engineers voice.

“Hi, Monty.” Uhura grinned.

First name, huh, Uhura? Jim mused to himself.

“Lassie,” Scotty nodded back with his very own grin plastered to his face.

“Umm, Len?” Nyota quickly turned towards the doctor. “Where’s Carol? I need to talk to her about something.”

“Uhhh…” McCoy droned, caught a bit off guard by the abrupt question. “Should be in one of the labs or her quarters. She had some experiment going on today and said she didn’t know when she’d be done, so it’d be your best bet to check the lab first.”

“Right, thanks.” And, as quickly as she could Nyota made her way out of the mess. She needed to talk to Carol about all this, Sulu, Chekov, and more importantly about one, Montgomery Scott. Scotty was famously known for being completely in love with the one and only lady in his life, the Enterprise. He was constantly tinkering, and working down in Engineering, so Uhura needed a little girl-on-girl planning to figure out the best way to get the Scotsman’s attention. 

And, then there was Sulu, Nyota sighed internally. She loved the guy, he was amazing, in every way you would want a boyfriend to be, but, he just wasn’t what she was looking for long term. He was young and excitable. He liked a good prank and made childish jokes, but, don’t get the wrong impression, he could be the most serious, and professional person when it came to the ship, its crew, and definitely it’s captain.

Sulu was someone you could have an amazing time with, but not someone who you could settle down with anytime soon. And, that’s what Nyota wanted, someone she could be sure would always be there. Someone she could curl up with at night, and just watch a movie, cuddle together and read quietly. She wanted both the fun, and the quiet. And, with her past relationships she was getting one or the other. Spock was all calm and quiet, while Sulu was almost always on the go. So, she wanted the best of both worlds, and she had found it. But, now she had to go and get it.

And, as Uhura made her way to the labs to find her friend, back in the mess hall Scotty stood there staring at the door she had recently vacated. Perplexed, he turned to observe the three men still sitting at the table. “Did I say something?”

Jim chuckled. “No, Mr. Scott, I think you actually said all the right things.”

\----

Jim was sprawled across Spock’s chest in a mess of sheets, sated from passionate lovemaking, both slowly melting into each other as the sweat on their bodies cooled. The tension in their muscles that had accumulated throughout the stressful day began to relax, being replaced with the buzz of emotional and physical high, they both loved and craved.

“You know.” Jim murmured, spelling Spock’s name out in Vulcan across the green tinted skin. This action always caused Spock to shiver and tremble under Jim’s fingertips, just as it did now. “I could really use a shower.”

Spock hummed as he buried his nose in Jim’s hair, and inhaled deeply. “Yes.”

“Are you saying I smell, Mr. Spock?”

“Essentially.” 

Spock did not hear Jim’s laugh then more than feel it against his chest. At first it was a light, slow vibration, a giggle possibly, until Jim was full on howling with laughter, rolling himself off of Spock’s chest on to his back, tears running down the sides of his face as he continued to chortle.

“I must admit, I do not understand what is so humorous.” The Vulcan stated as he rolled his head to the side to regard his giggling human, his eyes alight with amusement.

“Sorry,” Jim panted and giggled some more. “I don’t know why that was so funny, but it was, it really was.” He rolled back over to his bondmate, resting his chin on Spock’s stomach. “I really needed that though, ashaya. Thank you.”

Spock gently pulled Jim up to him, pressing his lips firmly to the others. “No thanks are needed, T’hy’la. It pleases me to hear your laughter. It is one of my most favorite sounds. That is if I could favor a sound over any other.”

Jim hummed, somewhat distractedly. “I’m gonna take a shower.” Getting up off the bed as if he had not heard what Spock had just said. He walked toward the bathroom without even a glance back. Spock lifted himself up on his elbows to watch his bondmate, confused as if he had said something Jim had not liked, but, was comforted when Jim stopped at the bathroom door, turning to look back. “And, you’re gonna join me.” He stated before disappearing inside the doorway.

If Spock scrambled out of bed very un-Vulcan like, almost tripping from the sheets wrapped around his ankles in his haste to follow is love, no one needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I've got an important question here guys. Is Pike alive or not? I can't decide yet, so if you guys could tell me what you think and what you would like to see it would be greatly appreciated. So, Pike? No or Go? Thanks!


	6. It's Like We're Walkin' On A Wire Through The Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. This chapter doesn't really move the story on far too much but, it has it's needs. Hopefully the story will start to move forward now. And, I apologize for any mistakes.

Jim yawned as he shoved his left foot into his right boot. He and Spock had ended up staying in the shower until the water ran completely cold the night before, and then stumbled back into bed where Spock proceeded to repeat his former accomplishment of completely undoing his bondmate. So, to say Jim was a bit tired, and bit in higher spirits today, was an understatement.

After zipping up the side of his left boot -with the correct foot inside it- Jim sat up to a cup of steaming coffee being shoved in his face by his ever surprising and attentive bondmate.

Jim flashed his sparkling grin up at Spock as he took the warm cup into his hands. Then was rewarded by his Vulcan leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “Thanks, love.” 

He quickly gulped down a large amount of the beverage without checking the temperature, scalding his tongue in the process. “Jesus, that’s hot.” He hissed as he sat the cup down on the night stand nearest him. Spock only quirked an eyebrow while taking a careful sip of his tea. He had long ago given up on warning Jim not to do things, because no matter what he said his insufferable mate would do them anyway so, Spock thought it no longer worth his breath.

“Why didn't you tell me it was that hot?” Jim asked, stomping over to the replicator to order a glass of ice water.

“Because,” Spock replied calmly following Jim, still sipping his drink. “whether I state precaution or not you will not follow them. So, as they say, ‘Fool me once: shame on you. Fool me twice: shame on me.’”

“Whatever. You ready to go?”

“Yes, ashaya.” Spock nodded, setting his empty cup down and following his captain out of their quarters. “At what time is your conference with the Admiral's to be taken place?”

“0900." Jim groaned as he and Spock stepped into the turbolift. "God, I’m not looking forward to that.” 

“Deck 7.” Spock commanded. Jim glanced at the Vulcan and lifted his eyebrows at him. “You gonna make me ride down and then back up?”

Spock turned completely to face Jim is response, causing his bondmate to do the same. The human grinned and smoothed his hands down his husbands already immaculately pressed tunic. “In the labs this morning?” Spock nodded an affirmative. “Well, then can I have a kiss before you go?” And, instead of voicing his agreement, Spock simply leaned forward and pressed his lips softly to Jims. 

After parting Jim kept his eyes closed and licked his lips. “Spock...” He whispered.

He opened his eyes to find his bondmate looking at him with so much raw love and adoration it made Jim look away quickly, feeling slightly uncomfortable under such an affectionate gaze. He had never had that much love and desire directed towards him. Sure, his mother and brother loved him but, Winona always looked a little lost when she looked his in the eyes. No doubt seeing her husband, in her son. And, Sam being like every older brother that exists saw Jim as a clingy, needy little brother he couldn't get rid of. They had never made it to the age where they could truly be friends because, Sam had left far before that. Then there was Pike and Bones, two people who had chosen Jim as family, who took him in and cared for him out of their own will, not out of necessity. But, it was still different from Spock. Spock's love was indescribable, Jim cherished it, and feared it.

"I love you, T’hy’la.” Spock whispered in Jim’s ear, startling him a bit from his thoughts, but before he could respond Spock was already striding purposefully out of the turbolift and down the corridor.

\-----

“Kirk.” Barnett nodded as the faces of the Admirals flicked onto the vid-screen in Jim’s Ready Room.

“Admiral.” He nodded back. Jim had never really like Barnett, and it was obviously a mutual feeling by the way the Admiral treated Jim as an idiot child, and always protested against him. He continued to look back at the faces of the Admiralty until one in particular caught his eye. “Chris?”

“Captain Kirk.” Pike nodded back at his prodigy, eyes gleaming with amusement.

“Kirk, we are here for the debriefing of what occurred between the Enterprise and an unknown Romulan vessel, 3 days ago.”

Jim straighten in his seat even more than he already was as he began to explain the events involving the Romulan ship.

 

“And, no Red Matter was found?” Barnett asked after Jim finished his retelling of the story.

“Nothing of significance was found for report, sir.”

“Very well, Kirk. Your next assignment is to head to Starbase 1, while there repairs will be made and your crew will be allowed a week’s shore leave upon Earth.”

“Thank you, Admiral.” Jim nodded.

“Oh, and you will be answering directly to Admiral Pike again, from now on.”

Jim beamed at Chris, whose eyes glimmered back at him. 

Jim had busted into Pike’s hospital room the moment he got wind of his friend’s survival. Chris had still been in a pretty bad way, but all that mattered to Jim was that his heart was still beating, which meant to him that Chris was alive. He had been angry with the higher-ups for not informing him of Pike’s possible survival, and he had let it be known. The looks on the faces of a number of Admirals when James T. Kirk, a man that had been announced dead only a few weeks prior, and then brought back to life with the blood of a killer, barged into their meeting, seething with a rage that rivaled Spock’s was something both Spock and McCoy –who had accompanied him- would never forget.

“Well, Admiral if that is the case I would like to speak to Admiral Pike, if I may?”

Barnett nodded. “He’s all yours, Chris.” The rest of the Admiralty quickly left the conference, leaving Pike and Jim alone.

“It’s good to see you, Jim.”

“You too, Chris.” He grinned. “But, I have some news, something off record… At least for now.”

“Something wrong, son?” 

Jim shook his head. “No… Well, not really. I’ll have to explain.”

“Alright, let me comm. you back once I’m in my office. Pike out.” Chris ended the call, and all Jim had to do was wait. 

He knew what he was going to tell Pike, and he also knew that he'd probably be the easiest one to tell. Jim just didn’t know what the reaction would be. Pike had done his dissertation on the Kelvin attack, he knew that and Marcus -the fucking bastard that he was- did say his dad had convinced Chris to join Starfleet, but how true that was, Jim didn’t know though, he was willing to guess that it was more likely than not by the way Pike had always talked so fondly about his dad.

“Captain, another call from Starfleet HQ.” Uhura’s voice quickly broke through Jim wonderment.

“Oh yes, thank you, Lieutenant, pipe it through.”

When Pike’s face appeared on screen again he looked more relaxed, and curious as to what Jim wished to discuss with him. “Alright, Jim. You’ve peaked my curiosity. What’s so important and off record that you need to discuss with me?”

Jim steeled himself a deep breath of the regulated air, letting it slow his sudden fluttery heart before speaking. “I told the rest of the Admirals that nothing of significance was needed to be reported but,”

“You lied.” Chris deadpanned. 

“Yes, but I lied for a good reason.” Jim said in defense.

Chris’ eyebrows climbed up his forehead, an obvious sign that said he either didn’t believe there was such a thing, or that Jim had peaked his curiosity even more. Apparently it was the former. “When is there ever a good reason to lie to the Admiralty? Jim I thought you’d learned.”

“No, Chris, listen to me.” Jim cut in before he could be lectured. He leaned forward closer to the vid-screen hoping Pike could pick up his pleading eyes on the other side. He obviously had by the way he scrunched up his eyes, and tilted his head. “What’s going on, Jim?”

“I found my dad aboard the Romulan ship, in a cryotube. He’s alive.”

\-----

Spock had been half absorbed in his work with the Centaurian slug, and half absorbed in his thoughts of Jim and Jim's father all morning. Jim hadn’t seemed to be taking the new development in stride, but that was not to say Jim was not somewhat pleased, if not bewildered by it all. To have never met ones parent was difficult for Spock to imagine. He of course grew up knowing both his mother and father and having a relatively loving family because of his mother’s influence.

So, when he thought of the idea to have never known a parent and then to be face to face with that parent who had only been but a ghost, a legend throughout your life was something Spock felt could have some seriously negative effects on Jim. He could only hope to be there to catch him if or when he fell.

While continuing his tedious work Spock suddenly felt Jim’s strong distress through their bond, causing immediate attention from the Vulcan to go straight to their connection. When he nudged at the tether of their minds without reply, Spock quickly left his work and the lab to make haste to the his Captain’s Ready Room. 

 

“You will not call Selik and have him hack into Starfleet’s file, Jim.”

Spock quietly crept his way into Jim Office with barely an acknowledgement from his bondmate, a quick glance was all he received.

"Chris-"

“That’s an order, Kirk. You are to bring him down to Starfleet Medical as soon as you are done with Space-Docking procedures.”

Spock internally flinched at the anger that flared up in Jim. “No, I refuse for anyone but, McCoy to have anything to do with him! The moment the media gets a whiff of this you and I both know they are going to have a fucking field day. This about my family, Chris, they should and will have far more input on what happens to my dad than Starfleet does.” Jim was all but yelling, his face red, and his hands shaking. Spock so desperately wanted to go to his mate and soothe him, but the inappropriateness of that display at this time was what held Spock back, barely.

“Jim, you need to calm down.” Chris sighed, and rubbed his eyes. “I never said anything about allowing this to get out to the media or Starfleet. I just don’t want you to risk Selik, and I don’t want you to risk George.”

Spock stood quietly watching as his T'hy'la slumped back in his seat and began to study his hands in his lap as if in them held The Shroud of Turin. “We need the sequencing, Chris. If we’re going to have any chance at waking him up without killing him, we’re going to need it. If you don’t let me call Selik and have him get the information I need, you’ll be the one risking his life.” Jim said quietly, his eyes still firmly fixated on his hands. So, when he missed the flicker in Pike’s eyes, Spock wasn’t surprised. "And, I can't bring him to HQ, if I do there's no way it won't get out. I'm a high profile person, and my death was in the news before I even made it to Starfleet Medical. Think about what will happen if the body of George Kirk, the living body of George Kirk shows up. It'll be chaos."

Pike studied the top of Jim's head very intently for quite sometime, his eyes flicking to Spock -who was barely in view- a couple of times before he sighed, “Alright,” Jim finally looked up hopefully. “You don’t have to bring him to Headquarters. I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to, I guess I jumped before thinking about the consequences, but you also can’t call the Ambassador, as well. Ah, ah, ah, I’m not done.” Chris, waged his finger and cut in as Jim was about to protest. “I will get you the sequencing, and send it through straight to McCoy from my personal PADD. I don’t need Starfleet thinking you went crazy and turned into another Khan" Spock saw Jim flinch at the name. "wanting to wake up the rest of those bastards.”

“Thank you, Chris.” Jim sighed in relief.

“I care about you, and your family. He was my best friend. Keep him safe, Jim.” 

“I will.” 

Chris nodded. “Pike out.”

Once the screen went black Jim looked up at him as he made his way over, beginning to knead the tension out of his shoulders. "You're always there." Jim whispered, his eyes closed as he relished the feel of Spock's strong hands. "Even if it's just to be there as a centering presences."

Spock didn't reply but lean down and kiss Jim's temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I kept Pike alive. I felt I had to, his relationship with George is too interesting for me to pass up. Everyone loves Pike anyway, so I hope it doesn't upset anyone.


	7. We Are Listenin, And We're Not Blind

There was something to be said about Jim’s mood if it took Spock, a man that cherished quiet and solitude, to get him out of their quarters and into the mess hall for some much needed social interaction and food. Spock would usually enjoy a time between just Jim and himself, but he felt that at the moment Jim needed more than just Spock’s presence. He needed the emotional comfort of human understanding, something the Vulcan believed he was ill-equipped to provide.

Entering into the mess, Spock directed Jim to a table already occupied by Dr. McCoy, Mr. Scott and Nyota before going to retrieve their meals.

“What’s with you?” McCoy asked, noticing the slumped posture, and pouty expression on his best friends face.

“’M fine.” Jim mumbled.

“Well,” McCoy forced out between bites of mash potatoes. “would it make you feel any better if I told you Admiral Pike sent me the sequencing process?”

And, apparently it would, because Jim immediately perked up. “You got it?” He asked, peering around his husbands arm that was laying a tray of food in front of him.

“I believe I just said that.” 

“Yeah, well tell me about it.” Jim urged.

Chris had said it would take him a few days to get the information he needed, and that Jim would have to be patience. Only that Jim wasn’t the impatient one. Sam had called the night before asking a million questions that Jim didn’t have an answer for. Sam had become agitated with Jim’s limited knowledge and had said things Jim knew was said and only would ever be said out of frustration and stress. They had never been close but, it was nice to talk to his brother after so long without communication. When Jim had finally gotten Sam to calm down, they spent hours talking and even laughing. Reminiscing on shenanigans that had gotten themselves into when they were just boys on their family farm in Iowa. Jim had laughed so hard he cried, Sam along with him. Something they had never really done before, and it became very obvious that the distance between Jim and Sam was severely unnecessary. Once they had finally cut off the call Jim had sat back and wondered what it had been like if Sam had never left. This was one of the reason for Jim’s sour mood.

McCoy began to explain the steps needed to be taken to ensure a healthy and successful revival of George, Jim listening intently as Spock asked questions of the doctor and also added his two cents when Jim seemed to not understand. Which honestly only made it worse, because let’s be honest, Spock spoke with too much formality for anyone to understand sometimes. 

As they continued on Jim began to notice Nyota and Scotty’s lingering and longing gazes at each other. Of course, when one was doing the staring the other was gazing too intently at their food. Jim rolled his eyes both mentally and apparently physically because, Nyota caught his eye and gave him a confused look.

“Vu dahkuh kup-fam weht ak'wikmun” (You two cannot be more unaware) Jim smiled sweetly at Nyota as he used his husband’s native tongue to convey that he had noticed the pining going on between her and Scotty. In response he got a raised eyebrow from his Vulcan and a confused glare from his communications officer.

“Ikap'uh t'du ru'lut” (Shut your mouth) Nyota mock hissed and glared back at him.

Jim grinned as the rest of the table looked on in confusion. Spock obviously being the only one to know what was being said between the two officers.

Jim shrugged. “I’m just saying, it’s becoming painful even for people who aren’t involved.”

“Bath'paik” (Damn you)

Jim laughed. “You know what, Spock. I think you were right, I definitely needed this.”

Poor Bones and Scotty were left only imagine what was said at the dinner table.

\-----

“I’m staying at the Starbase.” McCoy announced later that evening as he and Jim lounged on the sofa in Jim’s and Spock’s quarters. Said Vulcan sitting at Jim’s desk finishing his evenings paperwork.

“What, why?” 

“Well, I have the sequencing, everything’s all ready to go and I don’t see why I would waste any more time.” The doctor shrugged as he leaned forward to pour himself another glass of the whiskey he and Jim were sharing.

“Yeah, but we have shore leave on Earth, why wouldn’t you go visit Joanna?”

“Come on, Jim. Jocelyn is still being the bitch she always was.”

Since Jim had met McCoy, the doctor had only seen his daughter a handful of times, and commed her only a few more than that. It was something Jim knew weighed on his friends mind heavily, not being there to see his daughter grow up, achieve her goals and dreams hurt him more deeply than anything else.

Jim stayed silent as Bones sulked into his drink. Spock caught his eye over the doctor’s head, his face completely stoic but, his eyes conveyed sadness and sympathy.

“Hey man,” Jim spoke quietly, setting his drink down before beginning to rub his best friends slumped back. “I can’t say I understand, Bones, but I at least want you to know how grateful I am for you.”

McCoy looked up at him and gave him a small smile before giving his usually snark “Don’t be gettin’ sappy on me, Jimmy. We might end up cuddling.”

Jim laughed. “Hey, ask Spock, I’m an amazing cuddler.”

\-----

Later that evening as Jim lay awake. Millions of thoughts zoomed through his mind, several among them about his mother and brother. Others about the ship and its crew. Spock and McCoy had large roles in his pondering as well but, the leading man was his father. To say that Jim was absolutely goddamn terrified about all of this was slightly more than accurate, but that something of a well-known fact. 

He just could not get a grasp on anything because of the extreme momentum everything was speeding at. It was all so happening so quickly and Jim’s head was reeling. He was still so angry and confused, heartsick and devastated. He felt like he was screaming at the top of his lungs but no one was listening to him. Nobody cared. But, isn’t that overly dramatic, and selfish? 

“No.” A soft voice that he thought was asleep whispered into his ear.

“I thought you were asleep, ashaya.” Jim whispered as he rolled over to face Spock.

“I was, but your thoughts were extremely loud.” The Vulcan brushed his fingers through the captains mused and tangled hair. "And, to correct your earlier thought, I do care."

“I’m sorry, I should have left so I wouldn’t have woke you.”

“Nonsense.” He whispered against Jim’s lips before kissing them. “You are my bondmate and this is also your bed. You do not have leave because I might happen to stir from your mental activities. Also, I would wish to know when you are distressed.”

Jim sighed. “I think I want to stay on the Starbase as well. If that of course does not bother you.” He added quickly, not wanting Spock to think that he was controlling his choices.

“I am amicable to either, Jim. All I wish to be is with you.”

That made Jim smile faintly and tuck his head into his bondmates shoulder. Spock pulled him tightly against his body, wrapping his arms around his beautiful human. “Are you at all fatigued?”

Jim shook his head. “I’m wide awake.” His voice muffled against the pale skin.

“Well, then I believe we should take advantage of this time and engage in coitus.” Spock stated as if he wasn’t requesting he and Jim fuck each other senseless (which he was). He got a bite to the neck and a hand down his boxer as a response.

“You really know how to get a guy hard, you know that?”

\-----

Later as the lay sated and content Spock murmured to Jim. "By the way, ashaya, your Vulcan earlier at dinner left somewhat to be desired."

"Shut up, Spock. You knew my Vulcan was terrible when you married me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, my Vulcan is crap, so if it's really bad I am super sorry. If you want to let me know what's wrong with it feel free to do so because, I'm hopeless at it.


	8. See Me, Seein' Into Your Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I went back and watched the episode "Space Seed" for reference on how they showed Khan being revived. I used the pattern that they used to show the increase of body functions but, it being Khan and his super blood, I thought I'd slow the process down a bit because, obviously George is a regular human and his body is not as efficient. Also, I thought giving George's body time in a coma to slowly get back to working as it normally would have would be the best way to go. Since Khan, actually wakes up immediately but, then dies... And, then so on and so forth.  
> So, I know the science and everything in this is probably a bunch of bull, but I'm going with what I got, so sorry about that but, anyway... on we go.

“Hey, ashaya?” Jim called as he walked into their temporary living quarters. They had been staying on the Starbase as the updates and repairs were done on the Enterprise. Jim was just getting back from having drinks with McCoy, who had begun the sequencing on his father the day before. He had been optimistic on the progress and had said that George would be awake possibly as soon as a few days. It was exciting for Jim, and absolutely terrifying but, he didn’t wish to dwell on that too much. He had decided that he would try to talk Spock into going out just the two of them tonight for a romantic dinner. “Spock? Love where are you?” He called again.

“Here, T’hy’la.” Spock replied from seat upon his meditation mat. He had been meditating, trying to organize his own feelings about the discovery of Jim's father. He would admit that he had felt a small pang of jealousy that Jim would be allowed his father back, but he not his mother. It was a silly and completely illogical feeling because he had actually known his mother, had experienced her love, while Jim had never met his father. But, besides the ridiculous jealousy Spock mostly felt happy and pleased that his T'hy'la would finally get to know his father.

“Hey,” Jim grinned, walking over and sitting cross-legged in front of his husband. “I have some news.”

Spock cocked his head. “And, what is that?”

“Well…” Jim drawled as he crawled into Spock lap. “Bones started the sequencing yesterday.”

“Indeed? How does he believe the process will continue?”

Jim shrugged. “Well enough, he said he should wake in a few days.”

“Fascinating.”

Jim laughed and buried his nose in the Vulcan’s shoulder. Inhaling that earthy –or Vulcany, to be more appropriate-scent into his lungs. As he played with the hairs on the back of Spock’s neck, the smell mixed into the air and made itself more pronounced. Relaxing into his husbands’ arms more Jim felt strong hands begin to rub up and down his spine. “I thought we might all go out for dinner tonight. Ya know, just you and me?” he kissed and nipped Spock’s earlobe. “What do you say?”

“I am not opposed to the idea.” Jim pulled back to look at the Vulcan. 

“Well, there’s the enthusiasm I was hopin’ for.” He grinned.

Spock was never a social butterfly and had always enjoyed being at home in solitude over going out into public, but being bonded to Jim had helped-and somewhat forced- him “come out of his shell” as Nyota had put it. He could not deny that the company of the doctor and several of the bridge crew members were not displeasing. Also, Spock greatly enjoyed seeing Jim laugh and smile along with the people he considered his friends and family. But, tonight would be just them and he could easily say that he greatly enjoy the idea. “I would be pleased to enjoy you this evening, my love.”

Jim kissed him. “Good.” Lifting himself up out of Spock’s lap, he began towards the bedroom. “And, You’re wearing some of my clothes." He shouted back over his shoulder. "Gotta make sure you look hot.” Spock sighed a not sigh.

He was doomed. Of that he had no doubt.

\-----

After a romantic dinner, consisting of Jim drinking wine, and Spock stealing small bites of his husbands chocolate cheesecake, the two swayed there way to their room for a night of heavy looks, sweaty skin, and tangled sheets. 

All through dinner Jim had teased Spock through the bond, and physical touches, deliberately whining the Vulcan up, trying to get a reaction but, it had back fired and caused Spock to retaliate. So, once they had made it back to the privacy of their room it had been a long, but a steamy night.

In the morning Jim lay pliant in his husband’s arms only half awake, still dreaming of Spock’s ass in his favorite black jeans when the comm went off. 

Groaning he pulled himself from under the warm blankets, cursing whoever thought this early in the morning was a good time to call as he staggered over to answer. “Yeah?” He griped, digging his fist into his eye socket.

“Put any more pressure on that eye and it’ll burst out your skull and then I’ll have to deal with you getting a new one.”

Jim sighed. “Bones, what do you want?”

“I need you on the ship-“

“Right now?” Jim exclaimed.

“No, you insufferable twit, if you would let me finish the damn sentence then you would know that I don’t need you right away, but sooner would be better later. I need to talk to you.”

“Okay, what for?” Jim could hear Spock stirring in bed. The sheets shifting as he made to get up.

“Your father’s heart rate is now past eight beats per minute and his respiratory system is starting to show signs of function.”

“Is that good?” 

McCoy smiled. “Yes, Jim. It’s what we want but, it’s going slower than I anticipated."

“How much slower, doctor?” Spock asked from his position behind Jim. His right hand rested on the back of the chair, but his middle and pointer finger were softly and discreetly caressing the exposed skin of Jim’s neck.

“Actually, can we discuss this in person?” McCoy asked, suddenly uncomfortable with the idea of talking about Jim’s father through an unprotected comm link. “I don’t feel comfortable… ya know.” He waved his hand suggestively.

“Yeah, sure Bones. Let us shower and we’ll head to the ship.”

“You didn’t need to inform me of that, Jim.” McCoy grumbled.

Spock quirked an eyebrow. “I do not believe you were informed of anything, Dr. McCoy. You were the one to ‘jump to conclusions’, as they say.” Jim laughed as he watched his best friends face turn red. Whether out of embarrassment or irritation, he didn’t know, but it didn’t make it any less funny.

“Oh, shove it, Spock.” McCoy snapped. “I’ll see you guys soon.” And, then his face disappeared.

Jim spun his chair around to grin up at his bondmate before he reached up and pulled him down into a kiss. “Even though what I said to Bones had no sexual suggestion in it, I do believe his idea has some merit to it.” He smiled when he was rewarded with a Spock half smile.

“Indeed.”

\-----

It took about two hours for the captain and first officer to finally make to it to the Enterprises Sickbay. To which they were greeted with bitching by said doctor for about twenty minutes. Things like ‘I have better things to do than wait around on you all day’ were through out there, along with ‘Dammit, Jim. I’m a doctor, I’m busy’. But, now they were all standing around the very still form of George Kirk.

Jim hadn’t seen or looked at his father since the day they had found him. He hadn’t felt ready for it, and still didn’t truly feel it now, but he guessed there was no sense in procrastinating any longer. In a few days the man would be awake and being as Jim was the captain of the ship it would be his duty to discuss with George what had happened and was going to happen.

As he took his first steps into the room, and looked upon the face of his father for the first time without obstruction, Jim couldn’t help but feel a since of familiarity, but not just because the face looks so similar to his but more like he knew him. Like he’d always known him, that they had had a history, a story to their relationship. And, wasn’t that all true, this was his father, of course they had a relationship, they had a history, a story. It was just that their characters in that story had just tragically never crossed paths.

Jim began to hesitantly reach out to touch his father’s hand, but pulled back out of fear. “It’s okay, Jim. You can touch him.” He looked up at his friend who nodded encouragingly. Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat he then reached out again and took his father’s hand in his. 

His skin was cold and pale, nothing like the tan, warm skin Jim had always dreamed it would be. Golden and dry from hard work out in the fields of Iowa. But, the one thing that caught Jim’s attention the most was the slow but steady heartbeat the thumped against the inside of his father’s wrist. Squeezing the hand tightly, he took a deep breath. “What is his heart rate up to now?”

“40 beat per minute.” McCoy answered as he looked at the reading above his patients head. “His respiratory pattern is also firming up.”

“How long do you anticipate until he has awoken?” Spock asked from his spot next to the doctor. His eyes steadily taking every aspect of the elder Kirk. This was no doubt Jim's father, the resemblance was undeniable. George Kirk was beautiful, just like his son.

“Well, by this rate he will be up to normal heart rate levels in the next few hours but, I want to keep him in a coma and then slowly wake him up so not to shock the rest of his system.”

“Okay. Well, we get our orders tomorrow morning and then we head out.” Jim looked down at his hand, absentmindedly rubbing circles into the skin of the other with his thumb. “Will you-“

“Jim," McCoy cut in softly. "I’m not gonna leave him unattended until he’s fully stable. But, you should go with Spock and eat something, relax before we’re back to work.”

Not taking his eyes off his father, Jim whispered. “It's strange, but now that I’m with him, I don’t want to leave him.”


	9. I'll Keep Chasing It I Always Will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this taken forever and ever amen. I'm soooo incredibly sorry about that. My inspiration had dwindled a bit I hate to admit, but hopefully it's back up and I can get more chapters up and possibly go back and fix some stuff in previous ones that I just looked and cringed at!
> 
> Anyway, mistakes are mine! Let me know what you think!

Jim sat silently beside his father’s bed, holding his hand like he had every day since that first touch. Almost immediately after his shift he would appear in McCoy’s sickbay and take up residences next to the Enterprises most important patient.

George had been slowly improving. Body functions beginning to strengthen, skin gaining color, and internal temperature rising to an encouraging and more normal degree.

Spock understood Jim’s need to be with his father, but he couldn’t help but miss him. It had been days since they had spent any time alone. They only saw each other during their shifts on the bridge, meal times, which were spent with other crew members, and just before going to bed. They also hadn’t made love either, Jim too tired emotionally and mentally, and Spock unwilling to push him in any way.

It was continuously becoming more and more difficult for Spock to be patient, which he knew was absurd and unwarranted. Jim’s father would be awake soon and everything would go back to normal as best they could, and Spock would have more time with his husband. He just needed to wait.

“It is becoming exceedingly more difficult to be patient.” Spock confessed. He and Nyota were seated at a secluded table in the mess as they ate their lunch together, just the two of them.

She nodded as she finished chewing her bite of salad. “I can see how it could be tough, but it’s only been a week, Spock.”

“I am aware. And, that is way I am having a difficult time understanding why I feel so strongly about this.”

“Well, it’s not uncommon for new couples to want to be attached at the hip all the time.”

Spock quirked an eyebrow, “Jim and I are not and will never be affixed to each other’s person physically for an extended period of time.”

“It’s an expression, Spock” Nyota explained. “It means that you two feel a strong need to be in each other’s presence as much as you possibly can.”

Spock stabbed one of his grape tomatoes on his plate before replying, “It would seem I am the only one who feels this way.”

“Oh Spock,” Nyota sighed. Weren’t Vulcan’s were supposed to be more sensible and logical than humans? Nope, Nyota had decided that all men, of any species were truly idiots when it came to relationships, if not everything. “That sounds like someone feeling sorry for themselves.”

“What?” Spock was taken aback, “I can assure you, Nyota. I am not harboring any sympathy for myself, I only wished to express my doubt on Jim’s want of my constant presences.”

“Why don’t you just talk to him?” She asked.

Spock sighed internally, why was it that people had a terrible habit of offering up advice that was usually something anyone half as intelligent as Gorn would think of? Of course Spock had thought of speaking to Jim, it was the first logical thing to do, but there was the problem of never having the time to have the conversation with his bondmate. “Again, as I pointed out before, Jim and I have had zero to a very minimal amount of time in which we were both together without others in attendance. I have not had a chance to even begin to bring up my concerns.”

“Okay, well why don’t you go down to Medbay and speak to him there?”

“And interrupt his time with his father?”

“It’s not really an interruption, the guy’s unconscious. There’s only so much they can talk about,” Nyota smirked as Spock tilted his head in what he knew she would pick up as his display of confused amusement. “Just go talk to him Spock, he’s not gonna be mad you for that.”

* * *

 

McCoy huffed in exasperation as he walked through the door to George Kirk’s private medical room. It’s not like he should be surprised to see Jim sitting there, a PADD in one hand, his father’s in the other, but it was becoming a little ridiculous.

“Isn’t your hobgoblin gonna begin missin’ ya if you’ve always got your ass planted in that seat?” The doctor asked as he made his way over to read the displays next to his patience bed.

Jim shrugged, not taking his eyes off of his PADD. “If it bothered Spock at all he’d let me know.”

“You’re so sure about that.”

“Well, yes.” Jim replied. He knew his husband would let him know if something bothered him, it was only logical to discuss ones perception and not allow it to linger unnecessarily. Or at least that was what Spock had told him.

“Just don’t forget Jim, that even though he likes to deny it, he does have feelings and he may not express them fully because he doesn’t want to upset you.” McCoy said as he tapped at George’s vital screen. Don't let anyone ever say McCoy didn't stick up for the hobgoblin, because he even though he didn't like to admit it, he cared about the bastard.

Furrowing his brow, Jim raised his eyes to finally look at his best friend. His back was turned to him, but Jim could still see his face in the reflection of the glass screen. “You know something I don’t? It's not like you to defend Spock's honor.”

Jim saw his best friend roll his eyes before snapping, “Of course not you idiot, I just-“

Bones ranting was cut off by the sound of the room’s door swooshing open and revealing the object of their conversation and would have been argument if not had been interrupted. Spock stood in the doorway, looking as detached as ever with his spine ramrod straight and his hands clenched tightly behind his back. “Captain. Doctor. May I enter?”

“Yeah, yeah, Spock get in here.” Bones grumbled, “I was just leaving.” As Spock stepped into the room the doctor slipped quickly past him, the door sliding closed behind him.

“Hey,” Jim smiled softly at his husband. 

“Jim.”

sensing the tension radiating from Spock, Jim stood up and walked over to his Vulcan and slipped his arms around his waist. “I’ve missed you. Feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you.”

“Yes,” Spock replied, slowly bringing his hands up to rest on his T’hy’la’s hips. He originally planned not give into physical affection because he illogically wished to stay and make known how dejected he had felt the past few days, but he couldn’t do it. His T’hy’la was in his arms and there was no way he could resist him. This is what he had been wishing for for the last several days, it would be illogical to refuse it. “I have missed you as well, ashaya.”

“Hmm,” Jim hummed contently as he stretched up to kiss Spock softly. “Well we’re together now,” He smiled after they pulled apart. “What was it you came by for? Ship business? Or did you just come to get a glimpse of the hottest captain in the Fleet?”

“I came to speak with you, captain, but not of ship business.”

“Oh? Then what do you want to talk about?” The captain walked back over to his seat. Spock sat in the one across from him on the opposite side of the hospital bed.

“He looks well.” Spock stated, examining George Kirk for the first time since he walked into the room. He would admit to feeling slightly uncomfortable with having the conversation he was about to embark on with his husband's unconscious father in the room.

Jim smiled at that, taking his father’s hand in his and squeezing it tight. “Yeah, Bones said he’s doing really well, better than he expected even. It shouldn’t be too long before he wakes up.”

“And you are dealing with this well?”

“It’s gonna take some getting used to,” Jim sighed, running his free hand through his hair. He was still trying to work out the knot of emotions in his chest. It was so tangled and twisted he didn’t know if he’d ever get them straightened out. It was almost like when a bunch of necklaces get twisted and looped together, always taking patience and methodical steps to nimbly undo the chaos.

“Jim, when will you begin to remember that I too require some of your attention?”

The captain’s head shot up from where he was staring at his father’s hand. “What?”

“The amount of time you have spent at your father’s bedside is becoming increasingly unnecessary,” Spock said flatly. “I understand you feel the need to be with him whenever possible, but may I remind you that you do in fact have a bondmate that requires your notice on occasion.”

“Spock, I-“

“I am well aware it is unfair of me to come in here and demand that you spend time with me, but I find it difficult not to.” Jim didn't know Vulcan ears could wilt, but Spock’s did at that moment. “Ashaya, I need you. I have been feeling very unsettled as of late, and I know that it has only been 7.34 days, but I cannot for another day not spend it with you.”

Jim felt a lump form in his throat as he stared at Spock looking like a rejected child. His poor Vulcan was lonely and it was all his fault. He knew he had been spending a great deal of time in Medbay and that Bones had bitched at him to leave several times, but it had just been so hard not to stay and be with the man he had ached for his whole life.

Tears stung his eyes as his Vulcan continued to slump into himself. Any other person wouldn’t have noticed the difference in his husband’s posture, but to Jim he was positively collapsed in on himself. “Oh babe,” He choked out.

Getting up he quickly walked around the bed and flopped himself into Spock’s lap. Burying his face in the Vulcan’s neck he began to blubber his apologizes.

Truthfully Jim had been holding back this emotional outburst all week and had successfully been victorious until his husband basically came crawling, pleading for his attention. Telling him he needed him, wanted him. _God, he has been such a neglectful, awful husband._  “I’m so sorry baby.”

“Shhh, T’hy’la,” Spock said softly, rubbing circles into his bondmates back.

It had not been his intention to come and cause Jim so much upset, it made him feel much like a ‘heel’ as Dr. McCoy so often put it. “Breathe, ashaya.” Spock commanded as Jim began to choke on his tears.

“I’m s-orry,” He sobbed, pulling away to look Spock in the eye. His arms were wrapped around the Vulcan’s neck, his fingers digging into the short hairs there.

“It is alright, Jim. I know you have been emotionally distressed, it was not right of me to be so harsh with you.” He reached up and wiped the last tear that trickled on the captain’s face.

“No, you had every right to chew my ass out for neglecting you. I’m sorry, T’hy’la.” He leaned in and gave Spock a soggy kiss. “Can I make it up to you?”

Spock quirked an eyebrow. “Of course. How do you plan on achieving that, may I ask?”

Jim gave him a watery grin. “It’s a surprise," He sniffed. "Meet me in our quarters at 2100.”


	10. I've Realized That He Was Here With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, oh god, oh god. It's up and I had to I'm sorry! There may be a few mistakes and I apologize but I wanted to get this up before the weekend was completely over, so here you go! I'll go through and fix the mistakes soon!

“So,” Jim panted, “Would you say I was forgiven?”

“Indeed,” Came Spock’s equally out of breath reply. He was still trying to get his bearings, head buzzing with lingering pleasure and body lax from relieved tension. No, no one could possibly stay mad at Jim after a performance such as the one he had just concluded. Jim grinned, rolling over to rest his chin on Spock’s chest. “Although unnecessary,” He continued, “You were already forgiven.”

“Yeah, but I still needed to do it for me too. A week is way too long to go without sex with you.” Jim teased and Spock hummed in response feeling through their skin-on-skin contact Jim’s contentment.

From the moment he had walked into their quarters at 2100 Jim had had Spock pinned down both by his person and his favorite pair of nylon, neon green handcuffs, to their bed. Pleasuring Spock in every way he knew the Vulcan loved. “Think we could do it again?” Jim asked.

Spock raised an eyebrow, “You are referring to this moment?” He had known human’s had a higher sex drive than several other species. Often engaging in casual intimacies only for the sake of one’s pleasure, but he believed Jim, even by Terran standards had an overly active libido. He was always suggesting, prepared and enthusiastic about sex, and it did not matter when or where - most of the time. Not that Spock was complaining, no he loved his mate and would never turn down the opportunity to show him that love in a physical way.

“Well, yeah.”

“T’hy’la, although I love sharing the pleasures of the body with you more than many other activities, may I enlighten you as to what time it is.”

“Which is?” Jim asked.

“0200 hours.”

“No shit.” Jim shot up to look across the bed at their blinking digital alarm clock. It was something he had taken from his home in Iowa. Once belonging to his grandfather Tiberius who had then given it to his dad, George. It was an odd thing to be sentimental about, but it matter. He used to lie awake at night and stare at it, wondering if his dad had done the same, watching the blue glow blink off and on as the time past until it would eventually put him to sleep, to then groan and slam his hand down upon it when it woke him up too early the next morning.

“Yes shit.” Spock retorted making Jim grin. “Might I suggest we table your offer for a later date and retire for the evening?”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” Was Jim’s indiscernible reply as he yawned and stretched dramatically. Snuggling down as Spock pulled the covers up from where they were discarded at the end of the bed, Jim began to quickly sink into restful sleep, with his bondmate not far behind him.

* * *

 

It had been a week since Jim had given his husband what he considered to be the best apology of all time. And to go along with it he began to lessen his time in Medbay and only sat with his father while Spock was preoccupied with work in the labs. They began spending their meals together alone in their quarters more often too, not because they didn’t wish to spend time with their friends, but because it was easier and quicker access to their bed, which they both knew would be occupied the moment they both ate their last bite.

It had been good, Jim was happy and so was Spock, but the captain couldn’t help the anxious feeling that grew in his stomach as each day passed. Every hour that ticked by brought Jim closure to the moment that he was most terrified for.

Any day, hour or minute now his father would wake up and Jim would have to face him, for the first time, ever, and it was absolutely terrifying. What would he say? How would his father react? Would he understand? Would he know who Jim was? Would he even care?

“Ashaya, your worrying is illogical.” Spock had almost chuckled the night before as Jim had viciously paced their quarters. McCoy had called to tell Jim that his father’s brain activity was showing signs of strengthening consciousness, giving the doctor hope for full consciousness in a few days maximum.

“What I am I going to say to him, Spock?” Jim all but whined as he had plopped down in his husband's lap.

“Whatever you wish,” Spock said softly before he kissed Jim’s temple.

The entire bridge was almost silent as the crew went about their work, a few whispered questions here and there but for the most part everyone was fully focused on the job at hand.

They had received their orders two weeks prior, head towards a planet called Mwamba to begin the process of the Mwambians becoming part of the Federation. It would be a long and boring diplomatic mission, but Jim would endure it with Spock by his side.

As they continued on their way, Jim sat reading through the information Nyota had provided him on the Mwambian culture. He was in the middle of becoming increasing angry over the Mwambian’s nonacceptance of homosexuality when Jim’s heart stopped, his comm whistling loudly throughout the bridge. It had made a habit of doing so recently every time he heard a sound even remotely similar to the noise. He was like Pavlov's dogs, but instead of salivating because of a bell, he almost went to cardiac arrest over a silly whistling noise.

"Dr. McCoy to Bridge,” Bones groused through the comm. But, instead of answering him Jim sat silently staring blankly at the view-port in front of him. “Jim?” Bones called, but still the captain didn’t make any move to respond. He knew the entire bridge was staring at him but he couldn’t possibly care.

His chest was being to heave and his heart was pounding in his ears. He couldn’t tell if what he was feeling was fear, or oddly enough relief.

“Yes, Dr. McCoy?” Spock asked. He was standing beside Jim looking extremely worried.

"He's awake,” Came McCoy’s blunt response. And, that’s why Jim loved him, because there was no beating around the bush with Bones, not even for this. It made Jim snap back to himself before he bolted out of his chair and down towards the sickbay without even a simple conn order.

Jim sprinted all the way to sickbay not even thinking about what would occur once he had made it there. His mind blank of anything other than making to that Medbay room as fast as he possibly could even as his heart pounded and felt as if he would pass out for all the blood rushing to his ears.

When he made it to the all too familiar private room in sickbay Jim came to abrupt stop at the door, causing both Spock _and_ Nyota - who Jim did not know were following him - to bounce off his back and stumble backwards. Jim quickly snatched his hand back and grabbed Spock's wrist to check his balance, and didn’t remove it after Spock had recovered. He craved and needed Spock’s support at that moment and as ever his amazing husband sent a wave of calm to him, allowing Jim the ability to take a deep breath before taking a few steps into the room. _No reason to delay the inevitable,_ he thought, and knowing Spock, and even Nyota were there behind him helped more than can ever have imagined.

Once he was a couple steps inside the room he realized that he could only see his best friends back, his body blocking Jim’s view of his father as he tended to his patient. “Doctor?” Spock asked from behind him, making both McCoy and George to snap their eyes up at Jim.

And, oh god he was looking at him, those eyes that he saw every day in the mirror reflecting back at him, but only they weren’t his eyes. Jim’s breath hitched as Bones pulled farther away from George, his eyes too focused intently on Jim.

 “Kid?” Bones said encouragingly and Jim looked to his friend, only then noticing that he had been standing there staring for much longer than he realized.

"George..." Jim said hoarsely before clearing his throat and trying again. "George Kirk?"

"Captain," The man on the biobed replied with a slight nod.

Jim smiled weakly before stepping closer to his father. "I'm uhh..." Kirk trailed off looking pleadingly at Bones, but only got a sympathetic look in response. "I'm Jim." He said lamely, holding his hand out to the other man.

George took it the out stretched hand and shook it weakly once. "Hmmm..." He smiled to himself. "Jim… that was what my wife and I named our new baby boy." George stared off into space for a few seconds, his eyes gathering tears as he thought about what he believed he had lost.

"Mr. Kirk?" Jim asked hesitantly. He had no idea how to approach any of this and Spock better be prepared to deal with a human emotional breakdown later.

 _“I am with you, ashaya. It is alright.”_ Spock said through their bond, easing his nerves a bit.

George looked back up to Jim and smiled weakly. "Sorry, it's just… I never got to meet my baby boy."

Jim felt himself go weak at the knees and his eyes also began to fill with tears. _Oh god, dad, daddy. You loved me, you really did_. All he wanted to do was cry and fling himself into his father’s arms, curl up in a ball and never leave the man’s touch. He was only about a few seconds away from doing just that when his CMO coughed roughly and brought him bad to his senses.

"Uhh..." Jim drawled looking back over his shoulder at Spock. "This is my First Officer, Commander Spock, and my Communications Officer, Lt. Uhura."

Both Spock and Uhura stepped forward bowed their heads at the elder Kirk.

"It is nice to meet you." George nodded, an odd silence falling throughout the room. "I don't mean to come off as rude and impatient,” He chuckled, breaking the silence, “But would it be possible for someone to explain to me what exactly is going on? I mean last I knew I was about to die."

"O-oh, Of course, Mr. Kirk, uh Commander Kirk,"

"George, please.” He waved a hand and smiled at Jim, “I'm only 35 I couldn't possibly be old enough for that mister crap and I’m not on duty… Obviously." Bones snorted as he checked over the man’s vitals, gaining a confused look from his patient.

"Sorry, it's just you sound a lot like close friend of mind."

George laughed. "Is he brash, spontaneous and completely unconcerned for his own well being?"

"He is exactly that." Bones smirked, turning to look at Jim.

"Sounds like a good man."

"He definitely is."

"Uhh, George, sir." Jim cut in. "I believe you we're looking for an explanation?"

"Oh yes, of course. Sorry, Captain... Captain?" He gave Jim a questioning look.

Jim cleared his throat, "Kirk," He said matter-of-factly.

George's wide eyed. "Kirk?" He breathed. "Jim Kirk? Jim?"

"Yeah," Jim whispered, again feeling far too weak at the knees to be appropriate for a Starship Captain.

George's face iced over as quickly as Jim had melted. His eyes snapped between each person in the room, suspicion and anger building as his chest began to heave, "Is this some kind of sick joke?” He demanded, “Because, I don't know who the hell you people think you are but, coming in here and telling me you are my son, my son to whom I never had the pleasure of meeting is far more volatile than I ever imagined Starfleet to be. I may be a man out of my element Captain but, I will not be taken as a fool. Now, if you have some kind of soul you will make sure to tell me the truth and no longer try to forcefully rip a man’s heart out by telling him something you know to be the most desired dream he could have."

Everyone stood, breathing heavy and staring at the now fuming legendary Commander Kirk.

"I'm not lying, sir. My name is James Tiberius Kirk." Jim said through a thick, shaky voice.

"Tiberius! Are you kidding me? What kind of person are you? You have no idea what you are doing to me!" The Elder Kirk yelled as tears spilled down his cheeks. "This is not at all funny. Now, tell me who you really are!"

"I..." Jim breathed as he too began to cry. "I am telling you the truth. You’re in the year 2260, sir."

"What?" George hissed.

"You have been frozen for almost 27 years, sir." Bones jumped in, showing George the date on his PADD.

"So, this is.... How did... But, that means... Are you really?"

Jim couldn't trust him voice so forcefully nodded, pressing his lips tightly together to try and keep another wave of tears at bay, it didn't work.

"Jim?"

"Yeah, dad." Jim whispered as he let tears slip down his cheeks.

George exhaled a shaky breath, his eyes glued to Jim’s, “I can’t… I…” He held out his arms "Come here."

Jim quickly stumbled into his father’s waiting arms. Finally feeling those strong, warm arms he always dreamed about envelop him as he cried into his lost but, now found father’s chest.

"Oh my god," George choked, kissing his son's hair. "Your so... Grown and you’re a captain. God, Jim, let me look at you,” Pulling back a little they both stared at each other, George wiping a stray tear from his son's face. “You’re as handsome as I knew would be.” He chuckled weakly, causing Jim to laugh through his tears.

"How's mom? Sam?"

Jim stiffened, looking in father in his oh so, familiar blue glaze. "There's a lot we need to brief you on. We still don't know how or why you ended up on a Romulan ship and kept in alive in cryotube, and I don't know if we ever will but, when we have that discussion I think I should also brief you on what you have missed out these last couple decades."

George eyed his suspiciously. "Everything alright, Jim?"

"No, dad." Jim shook his head and looked down at his hands. "No, everything is not alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pheeeeewwwww. I don't know if that was any good so you guys should let me know! :)  
> Again sorry about mistakes!


	11. There's An Awful Lot Of Breathing Room, But I Can Hardly Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my lord. I am so sorry. I know I've said that once before but please forgive me! I've recently graduated college and started out in the real world! It's kind of crazy but I've ready for this chapter of my life. So, anyways. Here's the next chapter of this story and I would like to say that I will finish this story no matter how long it takes me!
> 
>  
> 
> Oh my lands, there are probably so many mistakes in this. I will fix them right after I fix last chapters since I never did it! I'm a terrible person.

"All your vital signs look good, Mr. Kirk."

"How many times do I have to tell you Leonard, it's George," The older man teased as he pulled on a regulation black undershirt. "He always like this Jimmy?"

"Nah, I don't know why he's acting so proper, he's usually a complete ass to everyone." Jim grinned from where he was leaning against the doorframe.

"I am not an ass, you are just an oversensitive crybaby." Bones grumbled, crossing his arms across his chest.

"See?" Jim smiled as his dad laughed. "What I was actually down here to tell you or more ask you was, if you wanted to have dinner with us tonight?"

"Us?" George asked.

"Some of the crew and I," Jim shrugged. "Bones will there, and so will Spock and Uhura. The officers that were here when I came by the first time."

The first when Jim had come sprinting in to finally meet his father he had stayed in his arms or closely by his bedside until Bones had to physically remove him. Grumbling along the way about needing to check out the elder Kirk, and to _come back when your damn shifts over the guys not gonna disappear Jim, I promise._

So after being forcefully out Medbay he reluctantly made his way back to the Bridge where Spock and Uhura had returned to an hour previously.

Jim felt a little relieved by the whole situation. He had been so concerned about what he could possibly say to his father and how he would react, but all-in-all he thought there where ways that it could have gone much worse. He also felt warmed from the tips of his ears to his toes by how much his dad’s eyes shined when he looked at Jim, and how proud and in love his father seemed to be with him. He had never really had that feeling much before when it came to parents. Sure, his mother was kind and supportive, but she had always been a little distant. Never showing too much affection, or not enough towards Jim and his brother.

George smiled at his son. He was thoroughly impressed with how he turned out. So strong and compassionate. He was everything George had wanted his sons to be. It was astonishing how similar they looked to one another, the sun-bleached hair and broad muscular shoulders where definitely a Kirk trait, but the one thing that George fell in love with the most physically about his son, where his eyes. They were bright and mischievous, with a whole universe behind them, but they also carried pain. It was obvious his son had been part of or had seen the darkness the world create. It broke his heart a bit knowing that he wasn’t there for his son through those trials, but he could also see that Jim was strong enough and stubborn enough to with anything and everything on his own.

"Of course, Jimmy. There's no place I would rather be." He said dropping his hand on his sons shoulder and squeezing in what he hoped to be a comforting way.

Jim smiled brightly and nodded. "Good."

* * *

"Mr. Kirk, it's nice to see you again." Nyota greeted George as he and Jim came to sit down at their designated table. George sat down between her and Sulu, while Jim sat across from her beside Spock.

"You too, my darlin'," George grinned at Uhura, causing a slight blush and a small smile to grace the Lieutenant’s face.

"Jesus, Jim." McCoy grumbled from beside Nyota. "Now I know where you get your flirtatious nature from."

"It's a Kirk thing. I gotta it from my dad." George laughed before taking a bite of hamburger. “Ugh, all this time and they haven’t been able to upgrade the replicators.” He grumbled, making the rest of the occupants that the table laugh.

Jim grinned, "Grandpa Tiberius was a flirt?"

"Oh, boy, you have no idea." George chuckled. "Anyway, I don’t want to talk about me, I want to hear about you. Why don’t you introduce me to the rest of your friends here, son?"

Jim’s heart skipped a beat. Son. He liked that word. He liked being called that word. Especially by this guy across from him, his dad. He realized after George tilted his head at him in amusement that he had been sitting there smiling at the other man for a few seconds to long. "Oh right, umm, well you know, Bones,” He stammered out.  “And, you met Spock and Uhura. This is Sulu my helmsman, Scotty is the Chief Engineer, and Ensign Chekov my navigator."

"Nice to meet you all." George nodded his head politely. "I know this probably a bit weird for you. I know it is for me."

"Sure is, but I have to admit, it’s kinda cool." Sulu chuckled.

George laughed. Jim’s crew was great and seemed to really enjoy having his son as their and captain and their friend. Yeah, he was definitely proud of his boy. "So, Jim. Got a girl?"

Everyone at the table made a pause in their meal before Jim spoke up, "Ummm. No. No, I don't."

"Shame. Someone as handsome as you should be-"

"I think you’re a little bias, dad." George grinned.

"Mr. Kirk sir. May I ask you a question?" Chekov asked abruptly. He could see the Commander becoming tense where he sat as the subject continued.

"Of course! What's on your mind, ummm?"

“Chekov.” He navigator supplied.

Chekov! Yes! Sorry, what was your question?”

"Did you know Captain Robau well?"

George stops eating for a second.  "He worked with me on the Kelvin." George swallows. "He was my Captain."

Everyone was quite for a few minutes.

"I... Ummm... Who was he to you?" George managed to rasp out.

"He had been my fathers close friend."

"I'm sorry for your loss. I tried… I thought… There was nothing I could do… I," George's breaths started out in short gasps

"Dad?"

"I... Should be there..." George looked up into Jim's eyes as tears began streaming down his cheeks. "Let's... Let's call him Jim."

"Dad... Dad. Calm down breathe." Jim plead as he got up from sit to rush to his father’s side. He could barely hear his best friend shout into the comms for medical help and a sedative.

"Our baby.... My son." George stood so quickly he toppled his seat over onto itself. "I need... I need... I have to manually steer the ship. Auto pilot... Auto pilot destroyed... I can't... Should be there."

"Dad," Jim’s heart was racing as he grabbed his father’s biceps trying to get him to focus his attention on him and calm him down, but George only continued to look more dazed and gasp out shallowly.

The captain was suddenly removed from his father when a group McCoy's team came sprinting in the room.  Hypoing the elder Kirk with the requested sedative, causing him to go unconscious in the man’s arms before being hauled off to Medbay.

Jim stood frozen watching his father being taken away from him before bursting out, "God dammit!" He screamed, kicking over an empty table I front of him. He heard Uhura gasp behind him and saw her standing with her hands over her mouth and unshed tears in her eyes. It made his stomach churn.

Chekov, Sulu and Spock were all still sitting tensely in their chairs, eyes wide and concerned as they watched their captain vibrate with barely contained emotion.

"Jim, Jim. Come on, buddy." Bones soothed, wrapping his arms around his best friend as he tried to calm Jim down but he was pushed away with strength and anger he didn’t recognize from his friend.

"Don't fucking touch me," The captain all but growled, his blue eyes blazing wildly.

"Jim, you need to calm dow-"

"I'll calm down when I damn well please! You have no clue what I am going through right now, so you can go quit with the sympathetic and understanding eyes! That is my dad. My fucking father!" He screamed, face bright red with rage. "A man to whom I have never met! The only reason why I am standing here in front you! And, I have to watch him struggle to deal with what the fucking revengeful psychopathic alien did to him! Sometimes, I wish we never would have come in any kind of contact with any other life forms! My life would have been so much fucking better!" His voice cracked on the last words as the tears that had been threatening to spill slipped slowly down his flushed face.

The room was in a stunned silence all unsure what to do or say before there was the loud screech of a chair being pushed back. Everyone’s eyes immediately snapped to where Commander Spock was standing rigidly with eyes blazing with anger and hurt. More emotion than anyone had ever seen him display in such a public place.

Jim's anger seemed to vanish the moment his eyes locked with Spock's. Heart visibly shattering and guilt immediately written all over his face. "S-spock, baby, I-"

"I have heard enough, Jim." Spock said coldly before turning and leaving the mess hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh tell me what you think, I'm really not sure how I did on this chapter......


	12. Shame Comes Calling My First Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter I know. I'm sorry. It's also a filler chapter.... Mehh. So anyways. I got this new job that allows me some time to write! So I will hopefully be updating this more often! Which I keep saying and lying about but I really promise that I am trying!
> 
> Mistakes are mine. But you knew that.

_What a fucking idiot._ That was the only thing that had been running through his head for several hours now. What he had said made his stomach churn every time his sadistic mind replayed it.

He hadn’t meant it. Not a single word. His mouth just ran away with him, his emotions fueling what is was spewing.

 _God he was an idiot._ How in the world was he supposed to apologize to Spock? Was there any acceptable way _to_ apologize for a fuck up as big as this one? He could explain to his husband that at that moment every feeling he had been fighting since they found his father came flooding out in tidal waves, Jim powerless to stop it, but even that didn’t seem like a good enough reason to become a xenophobic crybaby. And sure some might understand and even excuse his behavior because of the stress and circumstance he was in but, Jim wouldn’t and he doubted Spock would.

Sighing, Jim pulled his feet up and tucked his knees tight against his chest. He was currently sitting by his father’s bedside, watching his chest rise and fall from his steady, rhythmic breathing.

Bones had physically dragged him from the mess hall and stuffed him full of anti-anxiety medication. It had taken a bit to kick in and for Jim to finally feel calm again. Unfortunately it left him with a clear enough head to realize just what exactly he had done.

The moment it had hit him be broke down into sobs, curling up in the chair next to his sedated father, while Bones respectfully and quietly slipped from the room to let Jim with his privacy.

 Now hours later with dried out tear ducts, a cold sandwich at his elbow and a massive headache, Jim contemplated whether or not he would be allowed back in his quarters, and if Spock would even be there.

Jim tensed as George shifted in bed. He grumbled quietly before his face scrunched up and his eyes opened reluctantly. Jim stayed still and silent while his dad reoriented himself to his surroundings.

“Jim?” George looked to his son.

“H-hey” Jim rasped. His throat raw from his previous screaming fit and sob feast.

George looked at his son curiously, causing Jim to fidget in his seat. “I _would_ be relieved that I hadn’t just dreamed you and all this up but you look terrible so I’m leaning more towards concerned. What’s wrong, bud?”

Bud? _Bud?_ Jim immediately broke down in tears again. No one had ever called him Bud before. It was one of those things that all the other kids his age had taken for granted while Jim yearned for his father. His father who would be the one to be there patting his back telling him ‘ _Good job, pal!_ ’ or noticing before anyone else that he was upset and asking ‘ _What’s going on, bud?_ ’ ruffling his hair and making everything better with a smile and a ‘ _I’ll always be proud of you. You’re my son and I love you_.’

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey,” George stammered, “Come here.” He lifted the blankets back gesturing for Jim to join him. Which he did. Curling into his father with his head on his chest and his nose buried in his shirt.

“Dad, I screwed up.” Jim whimpered.

“How? What happened?”

“I-I…” _I think I ruined my marriage and hurt the one person that matters the most._ It was right on his tongue. A simple confession, something he assumed he could easily confide in his father with, but something was holding him back.

Why did he feel like he couldn’t tell the other man about what he had done? It was a stupid, stupid, horrible thing to do he knew, but for someone reason there was something about it that he just couldn’t admit to his father. “I did something really stupid dad.”

“Well are you going to be more specific or am I going to have to guess?” George asked as he ran his hand up and down his sons back.

“I c-can’t tell you.” Jim whispered. “I don’t know why, but I can’t.”

“Okay, okay.” George sighed. “You don’t have to talk about it right now. It’s okay, Jimmy.”

They stayed quiet for another half an hour. Sitting comfortably in each other’s arms. Having their first private father-son moment. Jim enjoyed just being with his dad. Hearing his heart beat, smelling his scent. He somehow smelled like fresh rain and pine needles. “How are you feeling?”

George hummed in response, shifting slightly on the bed. “Like I’ve got an overgrown kid laying on top of me making my leg go numb.” Jim chuckled as he lifted himself out of the bed and back into his previously vacated seat.

“You didn’t have to go all the way over there, kid,” George teased. “You were actually keeping me warm.”

Jim grinned, ducking his head. “You were keeping me warm too, dad.”

* * *

 

Nyota bit her lip nervously as she hit the chime to captain’s quarters. She wasn’t positive she would find him there but he wasn’t anywhere else on the ship and he had conveniently changed the computer’s ability to find his location. “Spock?” She called out after a few minutes of no reply. “Come on, Spock, please talk to me.”

She was really worried about Spock, and still in shock about what her captain had said. _She_ knew that Jim didn’t actually mean a word he had said but she was afraid Spock didn’t. Not saying that Spock didn’t have any right to be angry with Jim, furious really, but she felt like she had to at least make sure that he understood that none of those words her captain had spoken before were something Jim actually believed ad felt.

Jim loved Spock. Lives, breathes, and literally died for Spock. Anyone with eyes could see it. They were made for each other. They had a love most people dream about, but never get. They had what she wanted, what she hoped she was finding right now herself with a certain Scotsman.

It would be devastating not only for them, but for the entire crew as well if this is the end of Kirk and Spock. Everyone on the ship loved individually, but they adored them together.

About to give in and leave Nyota was startled when the door in front of her suddenly opened. Her commanding officer and best friend in the doorway looking as if in that moment if he were human he would burst into tears and cry. “Hello, Nyota.” He greeted, his voice breaking on the last syllable of her name.

“Oh, honey.” She whispered before throwing her arms around his shoulders.


End file.
